General: August 2005 Archives

The Human Rights Campaign has formally thanked Rev. Jerry Falwell for apparently speaking out in favor of gay rights for the first time publicly. [...]

Falwell, who in the immediate aftermath of Sept. 11, 2001, blamed the terrorist attacks on “the pagans, the abortionists, and the feminists and the gays and lesbians,” and who describes himself as “very conservative,” told Carlson that if he were a lawyer, he too would argue for civil rights for gays.

“I may not agree with the lifestyle,” Falwell said. “But that has nothing to do with the civil rights of that … part of our constituency.” (source)

You know, I’m probably just getting too old for such nonsense. Ten or so years ago, I would probably welcome the likes of Jerry Falwell into enlightenment, but today, I find myself not really caring what he thinks. And the Human Rights Campaign sucking up to him makes me want to throw up after all the misery he has caused over the years during his reign of the Moral Majority.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had an issue with Human Rights Campaign. They fired Cheryl Jacques as their director because she would not give in to civil unions. She insisted that it was marriage or nothing. I agree with that. And now, suddenly, they are kissing up to Jerry Falwell because he now thinks that we should have basic civil rights with the rest of Americans?

Well, I just called Human Rights Campaign and canceled my membership. I’m tired of giving money to people who just don’t get it.

I love these kinds of stories because they let me know, despite what is happening in my own country, that parts of the world are coming around to the side of tolerance. Still, in some parts of the world, you can be put to death (such as Iran) just for being gay. I understand that it’s all about religion, but that’s so bizarre to me. The world is a dangerous place for many of us.

A 20-year-old gay man in Hong Kong won a legal challenge Wednesday of laws against homosexuality -- including one that calls for a life sentence for sodomy when at least one man is younger than 21.

As he left the High Court, William Roy Leung told reporters that his legal victory means that “I can finally have a loving relationship without being scared” of being “thrown into jail for life imprisonment.”

In his ruling, High Court Judge Michael Hartmann said the anti-gay laws “discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation” and “are demeaning of gay men who are, through the legislation, stereotyped as deviant.”

The judge also said the laws are a “grave and arbitrary interference with the right of gay men to self-autonomy in the most intimate aspects of their private lives.” (source)

It may no longer be dominating local TV or front-page daily newspaper headlines, but the Hillsborough County Commission’s resolution not to support gay pride isn’t going away as a business issue.

Equality Florida has scheduled a town hall meeting Aug. 15 to kick off its planned “buycott” - an effort to spotlight and reward companies that take a visible stand on anti-gay bigotry. It’s the opposite of a boycott, where people send a message by refusing to spend money in a community or to buy goods or services from a specific vendor.

The group is asking patrons of retail shops, restaurants and service business such as barbershops and salons to poll the business owner about their position on diversity and anti-discrimination, said Nadine Smith, executive director of Equality Florida.

Owners who take a stand against discrimination will get a sticker to put in their windows and a “thank you” card for promoting diversity. “No thank you” cards will be handed out to businesses that do not have such policies, telling owners that the shopper plans to take his or her business elsewhere.

Equality Florida also will compile a list of larger firms in the Bay area with inclusive workplace policies.

The group plans to post the names of business supporters on a Web site, buycottfl.org. (source)

That’s the way to do it - put your money with businesses and places that support equality. If they won’t do that, you are BEING USED.

People will probably read this and assume that I’m putting my sexuality in people’s faces. I’m not. You see, I realize that everything is connected, in one way or another. If I support a business that is against marriage equality, or for the firing of people who are gay, or against anti-bullying legislation for gay students, it’s only a matter of time that the money I give them for my business will end up funding values that I’m against. You can direct where your money goes very easily. Simply find out what the values are of the places you do business, and act accordingly.

For example, before I stay at a hotel that I’m unfamiliar with, I will actually ask them if they have “a problem” with gay people. Or, I will ask them if they have a “non-discrimination policy” in regards to hiring gays. Perhaps I’m a bit on the fringe, but I’ve been on the receiving end of being fired for being gay and on the receiving end of gay bashing - I think I’m allowed to ask these questions.

This is also being done by the far Right as well. Businesses who are supportive of gay rights are being targeted as places not to do business with. Why is this happening?

Very simple. George W. Bush et al. have polarized this country to a point that everyone is choosing a side - left or right. There is no longer a middle ground. But still, this is democracy at work. It’s not the best example of democracy, but it is still democracy. The Constitution is still in place, until they decide that it needs to be done away with. Until that time, there’s still hope.

This kind of democracy is the same kind as the Christianity that is practiced by some most Christians; treat others like you would like to be treated, when it’s convenient. And if your neighbors happen to belong outside of your acceptable circle, go directly to Leviticus - do not pass Go! - do not collect $200!

On a lighter side, we very much enjoyed our trip to Block Island, although the trip was exhausting. I think we tried to do too much in too little time. But, I rode a “scooter” for the first time in my life, and it didn’t suck. I flunked my test the first time, but passed the second time.

On a sad note, Peter Jennings died yesterday. He was one of the finest news anchors in the business. I love listening to him, and I loved his compassion for equality. I will miss him.

Photo credit: Gino Domenico - AP

Zach is back home from his two month stay at Love In Action, a facility that, among other things, “deprograms” people from being gay. Such practices have been condemned by many as being destructive and dangerous.

I’m not going to write a lot about this topic. I just want to make some observations. Here are some excerpts from Zach’s blog (click here to read the full source) before going to Love In Action:

Sunday, May 29, 2005
The World Coming To An Abrupt - Stop.
Current mood: depressed
Somewhat recently, as many of you know, I told my parents I was gay. This didn’t go over very well, and it ended with my dad crying, my mom tearing, and me not knowing what I’d done - or what to do. It kind of.. went away for about a week or two I think. They claim it’s because they didn’t want to interfere with my last week or two of school. [...]

Well today, my mother, father, and I had a very long “talk” in my room where they let me know I am to apply for a fundamentalist Christian program for gays. They tell me that there is something psychologically wrong with me, and they “raised me wrong.” [...]

I wish I had never told them. I wish I just fought the urge two more years... I had done it for three before then, right? If I could take it all back.. I would, to where I never told my parents things and they always were mad at me-- It’s better than them crying and depressed cause they will have no grandchildren from me. It’s better than them telling me that there’s something wrong with me. It’s better than them explaining to me that they “raised me wrong.”

Monday, May 30, 2005
After The World Stopped, It Gave Me A Lot Of Rules.
Current mood: worried
Yeah, I was upset yesterday.. however I found an email about the rules and regulations of the program. My parents lied to me.. they told me (29th of May) that they didn’t know what the rules were exactly, however, this email wasn’t sent on the 26th of May. I see now why they “didn’t know what the rules were.” It’s horrible.. they’re posted below.. and I so worried. It’s like boot camp... but worse. I obviously was not supposed to see this.. Seeing the bottom say “Parental Rules (not to be given to client)”

What is with these people...? Honestly.. how could you support a program like this? If I do come out straight I’ll be so mentally unstable and depressed it wont matter.. I’ll be back in therapy again. This is not good--

Friday, June 03, 2005 - 10:43pm
It’s been a week of torture - anger, and crying.
Current mood: worried
Hi. I’m not sure if I’m even supposed to be on. I ran away for a short while. I came back and they took everything from me, they don’t want me to have outside influences-- I don’t know how long I’m going to be on, because if they wake up, i’m screwed. [...]

I just need this to be over. Don’t worry. I’ll get through this. They’ve promised me things will get better whether this program does anything or not. Let’s hope they aren’t lying. I’ve been through hell. I’ve been emotionally torn apart for three days... I can’t remember which days they were.. time’s not what it used to be.

Friday, June 03, 2005 - 11:33pm
Thanks.. by the way.
Current mood: numb
Thank you for all of the comments and messages, they mean a lot. really. I was shocked to see all of this... of course I haven’t been on a computer, phone, nor have I seen any friends in a week almost-- Soon. Soon, this will be all over. My mother has said the worst things to me for three days straight... three days. I went numb. That’s the only way I can get through this. [...]

I pray this blows over. I can’t take this... no one can... not really, this kind of thing tears you apart emotionally. To introduce THIS subject... I’m not a suicidal person... really I’m not.. I think it’s stupid - really. But.. I can’t help it, no i’m not going to commit suicide, all I can think about is killing my mother and myself. It’s so horrible. This is what it’s doing to me... I have this horrible feeling all of the time... I wish this on no person... I’m so satisfied--happy’s too strong of a word the state I’m in-- that everyone’s taking the time to email and write letters in complaint to these people. I don’t know if it will do anything, but if something did happen it would be -- awesome.

So now that Zach is out of the Love In Action program, is he alright? Well, I don’t think so. He has made a post to his “new blog”. All the past blog entries before he went to Love In Action have been deleted, and all the supportive comments and emails sent to him prior to going into the Love In Action program, will be deleted, when he gets around to it. From his new (and only) entry:

This isn’t going to become my life. I won’t let it. There’s more to me than this. I’ve erased the original blogs. I know they’re still out there somewhere, but the originals aren’t. I haven’t been able to see all of the news, newspaper, magazine, etc. articles and such, so I don’t know exactly what to say. Currently I feel annoyed towards a lot of things. Love In Action has been misrepresented and what I have posted in my blogs has been taken out of perspective and context. I don’t take back the things I’ve said, nor am I going to pretend like it never happened. It did. I refuse to deal with people who are only focused on their one-sided (biased) agendas. It isn’t fair to anyone. I’m very frustrated with the things going on in my life now, but everyone has their issues. Homosexuality is still a factor in my life--- it’s not who I am, it never has been. Those of you who really know me, know that homosexuality was always there but it didn’t run my life, and it will not now. [...]

The emails sent before this date are going to be deleted-- when I get around to it. I’m sorry, it’s just overwhelming. I ask that if you aren’t a close friend, or good acquaintance, to please keep it short and to the point. I don’t need things to be sugar-coated, nor do I need them to be thoroughly explained. I just want to do what I can for the wrongs to be corrected. The media, in my opinion, has made a bit of a mess of things. But, I suppose they did what they could with what they had.

I understand the concern, and I sooo appreciate everyone caring as much as they seemed to have. I REALLY do. But, I’m still alive. I don’t believe I’ve been brainwashed. It’s almost insulting, thinking about it, to be brainwashed. I think that I’m going to be ok. I could write forever on how content I felt when I signed on, because of all of the messages, comments, etc. (source)

I was quite angry about that. Here, so many people were trying to support Zach and were genuinely concerned for his safety. I myself have been in the situation of wondering if ending my life was the only option I had open to me when I was his age. And in Zach’s blog, he touches on having those feelings. So yes, I was very concerned.

Then, he came out of the program, simply deleted all of his past entries like they never happened, and deleted all the past comments of support, along with all the supportive emails he has received from people who care for him.

I left a comment for him on his site. I told him that these events did happen and deleting them would not make them go away. I also said that the people who cared so much for his welfare deserved more that simply being deleted. Apparently, my comment wasn’t well received by Zach. He deleted my comment.

I’ve had time to think about it. Has Zach been brainwashed? In my opinion, yes. If you look at his posts prior to going into the program, and the stark difference in the post from August 1st, there is a dramatic change in his personality. His extreme fear of the program and not coming out of the program as himself, has been replaced with criticisms of people who blew this out of proportion (like myself, apparently) and the press making this bigger than it was, along with condemnation for demonizing Love In Action.

Excuse me, but in my way of thinking, taking a child against his will and placing him into a program that could lead to suicide is pretty damn extreme. I had every right to be alarmed, for his safety. It has nothing to do with being gay. I only wanted Zach to find himself and to have the freedom to be who he is. What they did to him, in my opinion, was child abuse. I stand by that.

But, my concern has been replaced. It has now become one of apathy, I suppose. This actually isn’t about me. It’s about Zach, and I have to remind myself that he’s not an adult who is equipped with the tools to deal with these issues. He’s just a seventeen year old kid. I’m not going to criticize him. In fact, I’m not going to write about him anymore. He will have a rough road ahead of him. He will have to somehow sort all of this out in his mind, which is no doubt now clouded by turmoil over what he is, and somehow piece together his life again. I would assume that many visits to a psychiatrist is in his future, probably until he is 25-30 years old.

In the end, he will come out thinking that homosexuals are evil, perverted people, or he will come out hating himself and others like him for the perversion he believes himself to be and spend years trying to be straight and “normal”, or maybe, after years, he will come to the conclusion that the problem was never with him to begin with.

I only wish him happiness and peace. I hope that he finds that and I hope he finds his way in life.

Past writings on this
June 16, 2005 - How We Treat Gay Kids
July 15, 2005 - Father Of Gay Teen Sent To ’Ex-Gay’ Camp Comes Forward

Relating to all of this, was this article published on Monday, the same day Zach was released, condemning Love In Action as a movement that leads to “shattered lives.” The article was written by John Smid, the co-founder of Love In Action.

In a scathing condemnation of the movement he helped create, Love in Action co-founder John Evans wrote a letter on Saturday to LIA’s current director John Smid, saying the movement leads to “shattered lives.”

LIA made headlines and incited protests recently after the Web log of a 16-year-old youth named Zach Stark publicized his fears about being taken to LIA’s “Refuge” gay conversion camp against his will by his fundamentalist parents. (source)

A bit of good news.

SAN FRANCISCO - In a ruling issued Monday in a case argued by Lambda Legal, the California Supreme Court said that if businesses in California provide benefits to married couples they must also extend them on equal terms to same-sex couples who are registered domestic partners. [...]

“The Court recognized the spirit and intent behind California’s domestic partnership law,” said Jon W. Davidson, legal director at Lambda Legal and lead attorney on the case. “We are gratified that the court recognized that couples who register as domestic partners deserve to be treated equally to spouses by businesses in California.” (source)