General: August 2006 Archives

In addition, her projection that the black struggle and the gay struggle are similar is laughable. The persecution of gays in the USA has never been as violent or as long-standing as the black struggle. Prejudice against gays and lesbians is real, but most of them struggle because of personal choices and preferences. (source)

The persecution of gays in the USA has never been as violent or as long-standing as the black struggle?

Have you never heard of Matthew Shepard? There are many Matthew Shepards in this country and around the world. Gays are murdered every single day, and this has been happening since before slavery took place in this country. The ignorance is astonishing.

But I am glad that you pointed out to us that our struggle is because we choose to be open about what we are. We are killed and beaten because we dare to have the courage to confront hate and live honest, open lives.

Honesty and integrity are the the only qualities that can truly fight prejudice. That prejudice is not found with the thugs who beat and kill queers. The prejudice you claim to know so much about is rooted in the belief that queers choose to be queer, that they choose to dare love who they desire and therefore, the queers deserve the treatment they get. That is the source of the prejudice that gay bashers feed on, and it all starts with people like you, Bishop Harry Jackson.

If you really want to fight prejudice, you might start looking at yourself.

Fears of a gay “brain drain” over Wisconsin’s pending vote on banning same-sex marriage, and the lack of partner benefits for gay employees of state institutions, may be starting to come to fruition.

Rob Carpick, an associate professor of engineering at the University of Wisconsin-Madison researcher who has won millions of dollars in grants for his research in the field of nanotechnology, is leaving for the more gay-friendly University of Pennsylvania.

He takes with him the funding - some $3.4 million in grants from the National Science Foundation, branches of the U.S. military and private companies since 2000.

“After six and one-half years of working very hard, I found it’s problematic to work in an environment where you are not treated equally,” Carpick, 37, told The Associated Press. “Fortunately there are other entities that are more enlightened than the state of Wisconsin on this issue and the University of Pennsylvania is one of them.”

Caprick married his longtime partner Carlos Chan in Canada in 2003. The marriage is not recognized in Wisconsin and the couple is not eligible for spousal benefits.

To get health insurance Chan, a chef, took a menial job at the university.

At the University of Pennsylvania Caprick will be able to get domestic partner benefits and Chan will be able to open a small restaurant and not worry about health insurance. (source)

I’ve thought a bit about this over the last few months, off and on. There is a whole bunch of people, myself included, that feel that if the state you are in is putting up barriers to your happiness, move to a state that will help you be the most you can be.

There is still a lot of discrimination in the United States for gay citizens. And, among the different states, what gay people can and can not achieve in terms of more equality, is all over the board. The southern states are generally the worst places to live for gays, as is the mid-west. California seems more tolerable, and time will tell where Washington State will end up. Idaho is set, from last I heard, to pass an amendment outlawing gay marriage in November.

In the East, things seem a bit more hospitable. In Connecticut, we have a law banning the firing of gay people based solely on their sexual orientation. And with a Civil Union, we are eligible for health benefits on the same policy, if you can stand the idea of being in a civil union (my baggage).

So, it would seem, as in the example above with Rob Carpick, gay people and their partners are traveling much more these days in an effort to find a better and more fair existence for themselves. Many will say that this is “federalism” at it’s best - you don’t like the way one state runs things, then move to another state. In other words, each state has a right to determine their own laws. I can understand that.

Yet, I can’t seem to reconcile myself with the notion that the reason that people are moving around is to avoid the bigotry and prejudice that exists in those states. Isn’t there something wrong with simply dismissing the notion of discrimination by saying, “you don’t like it here, move”? Each state can have it’s own flavor and it’s one environment. But isn’t there something inherently wrong with the reasoning of, “We discriminate against your kind in this state. We are damn proud of that because we don’t like your kind. If you don’t like being treated like this, then move.”

Somehow, that just seems well, un-American to me. Or, maybe it is American, and we as a nation, just general suck when it comes to fairness? Or do we as a nation really care about fairness when it comes to the minority I happen to be a member of? We should at least be honest about it.

I received this notice from the Human Rights Campaign Fund Action Center. It’s exciting news about legislation that was passed that will greatly benefit gay and lesbian families for retirement issues.

It is a great and historic day for our community. Today, federal legislation called the Pension Protection Act was signed into law and it includes two provisions that extend important financial protections to more Americans - including same-sex couples. This is an incredibly exciting victory that will be helpful to millions of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender families. This Act is important because it has two hard-fought HRC-backed provisions that we lobbied for intensely and secured its inclusion. These provisions will help same-sex couples nationwide. Basically what this means is that these two provisions ensure that the U.S. tax code, in times of emergencies, is fairer to more Americans, including our community, and puts us on a more equal footing with other couples. Here’s how these provisions can impact the lives of GLBT Americans: The first provision, called “Non-Spousal Rollover”

Allows the transfer of an individual’s retirement plan benefits, like a 401(k), to an Individual Retirement Account (IRA) for a non-spouse beneficiary like a domestic partner, sibling, parent, cousin or anyone else when the individual dies.

In the past, unless you were the legally recognized spouse of the deceased, you were forced to withdraw the amount as a lump sum and you faced immediate tax penalties which would eat away at the savings amount intended for retirement.

The second provision, known as “Hardship Distribution”:

Allows individuals who list their same-sex partner or other non-spouse beneficiary under a 401(k) plan the ability to tap into their retirement funds in the case of certain medical or financial emergencies of the beneficiary.

In the past, the federal law only permitted such withdrawals for employees’ legally recognized spouses or dependents.

Also, an article in the Los Angeles Times stated...

“I think it’s incredibly significant, and I think it’s historic,” said Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights organization. “What we really are seeing here, I think, is a huge step toward leveling the field.”

“It’s a meaningful part of the story,” said J. Mark Iwry, a Brookings Institution scholar and former Treasury Department pension official. “The gay community should definitely benefit.”

The move was made quietly and without controversy. In Congress, the idea of easing restrictions on the transfer of nest eggs was generally described as a fairness issue for family members and was not framed as a gay rights issue.

Go to the HRC website for more information.

This is really some scary stuff. I have to wonder when the LGBT community is going to “get it” that we’re seriously under attack. These things will affect us. And it’s not just those living in states where these laws are the worst. Anyone in any state right now is a target, and if we think that we’re safe in one state and not the other then we’re already losing.

Bill, keep complaining!

That was a comment left by DJ, a regular on this site. Thanks DJ for the comment and the encouragement. Honestly, I appreciate it!

At the risk of sounding negative... oh hell with it, this is going to sound negative, so I might as well stop pretending and stop trying to sugar-coat it. This all started a few weeks ago when “Dan”, a regular on this site, made a comment on one of my entries that said, “You are such a complainer Bill!” That really hit me hard, since he is a gay man. I guess that’s when I threw my arms up in the air and said, “To hell with it.”

I don’t post so much anymore. Why? Because nothing I say here matters. NOTHING. These are only my ideas.

We live in a country where our community is disposable. Our political leaders care only about our community in terms of how many votes they can get by scaring the shit out of voters because the fags are going to “destroy the sanctity of marriage”. What sanctity are they fighting for? Every single married couple I know with the exception of one, has divorced. Most all the heterosexuals I know who have been married are now on their third and fourth marriage. What the hell are they trying to protect, and who the hell are they trying to fool?

We live in a country where the Constitution of the United States is enforced when it serves the purpose of THE MAJORITY. My friends, if we are being totally honest here, most of the people in this country HATE US. Most won’t admit it. The will say they are “Christian people” and that they “do not hate”. They show it in other ways, more subtle ways - AT THE BALLOT BOX.

We live in a country where a small fraction even go to the ballot box. A great many of those people who say they support equal rights for our community never take the time to go to the ballot box to show that support in the form of a vote.

We live in a country where AIDS is still a “gay disease”. That’s very convenient because it’s not an issue they feel needs to be addressed. And those gay kids, you know... the ones we keep hearing about who are now getting AIDS left and right because they aren’t being safe... they are DISPOSABLE. No one cares - not even our own community. So why they hell should gay kids give a damn?

We live in a country where it’s still fully legal to fire someone because they are gay, in 36 states. A bill has been proposed in Congress... for the last 20 or so years to make it illegal to fire a person solely on the grounds of his or her sexual orientation. It’s never come close to passing. No one cares. The same can be said for a national hate crime law that would add “sexual orientation” to the national hate crimes law that is already in place. But Congress has repeatedly voted it down specifically because gays would be protected.

We live in a country where we are at war. Yet, the military is still discharging gay service members left and right for being gay. Many of those were ASKED - a violation of “Don’t ASK, Don’t Tell”. But they are discharged anyway. Why? Because no one cares. Even though many of these people are highly trained and speak Arabic, it’s more important to get rid of them because they are gay and might make some sexually insecure service men feel uncomfortable being around them. It would effect “unit cohesion”, we are told. If you honestly believe that bullshit, I have an ocean front property to sell you in Nebraska.

We live in a country where, on average, ten gay people are beaten to a pulp or killed every single day in this country, and it is never reported. These statistics are not kept because our federal government does not see us as needing protection. Hate crime statistics are kept on all other minority groups in this country, except for gays. I know, hard to believe, isn’t it?

We live in a country who, aside from the war in Iraq, will have two other big concerns in November’s elections - a ban on gay marriage in more state constitutions AND a ban on gay adoptions in various states. Apparently it is better to keep children in institutions rather than allow gay households become foster parents or adoptive parents. And often, it is disabled or disadvantaged children (you know, they ones no one else will take) who have special needs, that gay couples will take and care for. I still remember a story of an African American boy who was born HIV positive because his mother was a drug user. He was adopted by two men who cared for him and paid for his medical needs. When the boy turned 12 years old, he became zero positive. His body was able to eradicate the disease completely from his body. What should have been a time of joy became one of hardship. The state they lived in immediately started proceedings to take the child away from the only parents he ever knew because now, he was “desirable” and was “placeable” - just not with a gay couple. But who cares? Honestly, I would think that gas prices, the cost of heating fuel, the environment, and taking care of those who cannot take care of themselves would rank higher on the list than gay marriage or gay adoptions, but apparently not. Rest assured, when November comes, gay marriage and gay adoption will be higher on the list than those other concerns. And the American people will buy it hook, line, and sinker. I would bet money on it.

We live in a country where our own community doesn’t care about all of this discrimination. I’ve talked until I’m blue in the face on this site about how we should boycott states who pass these hateful amendments. I’ve also said that if I lived in a state such as Virginia or Texas, I would move because I didn’t want to live where I’m unwanted and I especially don’t want to support bigotry by paying state taxes to a state that openly discriminates. Yet, within my own community, I’m told, “...if we leave who will stay to fight...”, along with, “...you need to get a grip and deal...”. Wisconsin (the link) doesn’t have to worry about a boycott because we in the gay community don’t care if we are discriminated against. They can do as they wish and there will be no repercussions from this.

We live in a country where the Catholic Church and the Pope can say how we are “intrinsically disordered”, and we put up with it. They can turn around and blame all the child abuse within their church on gay priests, and we put up with it. Why? BECAUSE WE DON’T GIVE A DAMN!

We live in a country where we are told that there is always a shortage of blood. Gay men are barred for life from giving blood, unless you can honestly say that you’ve never been with a man since 1977. All blood today is testing rigorously. There is no justification for this life time ban. Yet, we do nothing about it. Why? Because we don’t care.

We live in a country where a majority of voters can go to the ballot box and vote away the rights of a minority they don’t like. So much for equal treatment under the law. So much for the 14th Amendment to the U. S. Constitution. So much for fairness.

Finally, this.....

Despite the constant persecution that rains downs upon my gay friends every day, most of them take the high road and continue to be compassionate and not bitter. (source)

I used to try to take the “high road”. But, there are limits. People who know me know that I am one of the most generous people they have ever met. I don’t support the war in Iraq, yet, I have supported our troops. And unlike most Americans who have only spoken words of support, I have spent my own money supporting them by buying phone cards for soldiers who cannot afford them, so they can call home ON MY DIME. All the while knowing that if they knew I was gay, they would hate me for being gay. Well, I ended that program yesterday and terminated the phone cards (more money for me, right?). Why? Because, I don’t care, just like everyone else.

I used to be bitter about all of this, but I’ve come to the conclusion that being bitter and caring are really just a waste of my time. That’s not to say I don’t care. It’s saying that I have become very particular and narrowly focused on WHAT I care about. So what do I care about?

I care first and foremost about my family and the home-life I’ve made with them.

I care about my friends. I have few, and that’s fine with me.

Other than that, I really don’t care if different countries want to blow the hell out of each other because they can’t talk out their differences. Why? Because my country and my country’s government doesn’t care. So honestly, why should I?

I care about my little world. Right now, I’m fine. If things start to effect that world, we will consider moving.

I’m sorry for caring less and less about this, but if so few in my community cares, and if my country doesn’t care about these issues and only cares about it’s own political interest with equality and fairness aside, why should I care?

“Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” - J.F. Kennedy

Well, I’m sorry President Kennedy, but today, I am asking my country to do something for me and my community. I want my country to treat us with a bit of dignity and respect. I want EQUALITY and FAIRNESS. I have a right to expect that, according to the Constitution, even if.... no one cares.

Until that happens, I DON’T CARE.

Ok... I’m done complaining now.

Yesterday, I made lasagna. Kent came home from a weekend trip and I wanted to make something that he likes. Oh, and I took more photos. More photos coming soon.

ARLINGTON, Va. (AP) - Real estate agents in northern Virginia say they’re seeing a growing migration of gay people out of the state after recent legislative action perceived by some as hostile.

Reston-based real estate agent Evan Johnson, who caters to mostly gay clients, says he’s seeing more gay people moving to D.C. and Maryland rather than relocating in Virginia. He says they’re moving even though Virginia is less expensive. [...]

A 2004 Virginia law prohibits civil unions or other “partnership contracts.” Many are worried it could threaten contracts used by gay couples to share ownership of property, draft adoption papers or to arrange hospital visitation.

Beth Lower and Kati Towle chose to move out of Arlington when Towle became pregnant because a lawyer told them not to have the child in Virginia. (source)

I say, move to where you can have “more” freedom. I think we can expect to see more of this sort of thing as other states move to disallow even civil unions or other legal contracts between gay couples. The Virginia amendment is sweeping, disallowing “partnership contracts” as well. What does that mean? Well, nobody really knows. It’s never been tested in a court of law. But if you were in a same sex relationship in Virginia, would you take the risk that you could lose your home if your partner dies, or lose parental rights to a child? It’s not worth the risk. I think it’s very telling that Beth Lower and Kati Towle’s lawyer told them not to have their child in Virginia. This is actually what the Virginia law states:

I’m so thankful that Kent and I live in Connecticut where it’s pretty certain that we are protected in so many of these areas.

This is the aftermath of all the amendments that have passed. And in November, I’m sure there will be more states that will follow. It will be interesting to see how it plays out and what people do. People have to make their own decisions and what they are willing to risk. Like many, I wouldn’t wait for a court ruling to find out that any legal arrangements these couples have made to try to protect their family just won’t hold up in court. I expect more people will be moving around the country to more hospitable states.

Yes, I’ve been accused of “complaining too much”. But consider this. The legislation that is being drafted and placed into state constitutions goes beyond “protecting marriage”. Many of them cut into the heart of what a contract is and who can have contracts with each other. Many of these amendments disallow partnership contracts. I assume that means two people of the same sex living together. So, before you once again accuse me of complaining too much, consider that....

...a mortgage is a contract
...co-owning a car is a contract
...a health directive is a contract
...a will is a contract
...a power of attorney is a contract

Still think I’m complaining too much? America used to stand for equal opportunity. What has happened to that?