Hate Crimes: December 2004 Archives

I want to talk about something that means a lot to me. It’s about our kids. More specifically, our gay kids. But why now? We all know what gay kids go through at school, after school, at home, and in society.

Society doesn’t want to hear about the problems they face. We ignore the issues that can mean life or death to these kids and on occasion, we hear about some horrible thing that happens to them, such as what happened to Matthew Shepard or Joshua Melo. Then, we sit back and shake are heads and ask ourselves, “How could someone do something so horrible to someone else?”

I’ll tell you how. By denying people what they are. By making what they are less than others. By making them an aberration and something to be feared (are you listening President Bush?).

Life is constantly testing me as well. I will not play society’s game. I am going to be exactly who and what I am, and I’m not going to make apologies for being me. And if society doesn’t approve of that, that’s really too bad.

I can do this because I have the tools to do it. I’m a survivor of the people who tried to make my life so terrible that I would try to take my life as a young man. I learned from that. It made me strong. I have defenses around me that help me to cope. I’m not vulnerable.

But once in awhile, I will see or watch something that breaks through those barriers that I’ve built around myself. This happened when I watched an episode, The Lost Boys, from the new series “Jack and Bobby”. I have watched the series before and like it because it is more honest than most about confronting social issues. Recently, they tackled the subject of gay teen suicide.

I thought that I had hardened myself to this issue. But the young Matthew, the young gay man who was trying to tell his best friend, Jack, that he had feelings for him, was rejected. As he was telling his friend, he was sobbing and saying, “...I think I’m in love with you.” Jack responded by saying, “Oh my God! You can’t. I’m interested in girls.” Matthew said, “I know. I know. Something is happening to me and I can’t stop it.” He starts crying feeling the hopelessness of the situation.

I knew exactly, exactly how he felt. That was me. That was exactly, precisely, me. Where Matthew trusted his friend, Jack, with his secret, I went to the alter of my church in the middle of the morning as a sixteen year old to ask God to change me from what I was to “normal”. Everything that happened to Matthew, happened to me. But he died. He hanged himself, and he died. And people at the school were so shocked and so sad and asked themselves, “how could something like this happen?” The difference between him and me, I lived. That’s all.

What’s left for Jack, the friend who Matthew tried to trust with his secret? As Jack was getting ready to go to Matthew’s funeral, he told his mother that Matthew’s mother never tried to understand him and rejected him. Jack then told his Mother, “I’m no better than she is. Matthew told me that he was gay and he like me. And I wasn’t ok with that.” He starts to cry for the first time since hearing of Matthew’s death and said, “I could have helped him, and I didn’t!” Jack’s mother tries to comfort him by saying, “Jack, there are limits to what you can do.” That’s true I suppose, but are we doing enough? Are we doing all that we could be doing? No. We aren’t.

My experience has not been different. And over time, I became tough because in this world if you are a gay teen and aren’t tough, you won’t make it. When Matthew was telling his friend, “something is happening to me and I can’t stop it,” I found myself suddenly sobbing at his pain. I had forgotten what it felt like to be in that dark, lonely place. It was very unsettling because I actually discovered that I still have vulnerabilities. Mine is that I am compassionate about what gay youth have to still go through, and that I care deeply for them and what they must endure. Some vulnerabilities are not all bad. It makes us human.

So, was the episode on Jack and Bobby just Hollywood trying to sell a “gay agenda”, as the conservatives would have us believe, or, is it real? Is it really happening to kids today?

On November 26, 2004, fifteen year old Joshua Melo committed suicide after what friends say was incessant bullying in the hallway and online.

The father of a London, Ontario area teenager says his son killed himself because of endless anti-gay taunts that school officials did nothing to stop.

“I had to cut my son down from the tree. I told the kids at the funeral that if you don’t get together and confront the bullies, it will be your parents cutting you down,” John Melo told the London Free Press.

“You guys have to stick together, stand up to the bullies, take away their power and they will back down. If you guys don’t do it, the system won’t. Retaliation is not the answer.” (source)

Other sources:
Friends, family grieve loss of sensitive teen
Bullied to death
Mom says bullying led to son’s suicide

America, this could be your son or daughter. We need to wake up and bring this topic to the forefront of discussion. It’s not enough to put it aside, because kids are dying from this. What should you do? Well, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to contact my local high school and ask then, as a town resident, what their current policy is on bullying and harassment for their students.

If they don’t have a policy, I will hang up the phone and contact the superintendent of the school district, along with my state representative and push for a policy to be in place. I will also write a letter to my state newspapers outlining the issue and the need for it.

If they do have a policy, I will request a copy of the policy. I will also ask when the next student orientation will be held discussing the topic of harassment and bullying. I want to be there to hear it, and to see if it is presented in a way that the kids can understand.

And folks, I don’t even have children! So, if I were a parent, I would have a big reason and interest in seeing this through. Call your schools and GET INVOLVED! You may just be saving some kids life. Who knows? Maybe even your own kid’s life.

If you are a gay or questioning youth and need to talk with someone, call the Trevor Helpline. It’s the only national 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention hot line aimed at gay and questioning youth. Calls are handled by highly trained counselors and are free and confidential.
The Trevor helpline: (866) 4u-trevor
Trevor Project Website
MAKE A DONATION TO THE TREVOR PROJECT
Remembering an Angel -- Joshua Melo