Hate Crimes: February 2008 Archives

I heard a few days ago that Nancy Reagan had fallen and had been hospitalized. I felt bad for her. It occurred to me that when her husband, Ronald Reagan had died, I wrote about his passing. I was angry that so much was being made about a man that very selectively helped people.

But people change with age. Ronald Reagan later, after leaving the presidency, said that he should have done more for people with AIDS. You bet he should have. They were Americans. And, while he was President, Nancy urged him to do more for people with AIDS, probably because her hair dresser came down with AIDS. No, I'm not making this up. Very self serving people. And perhaps the late President Reagan only wanted to help people with AIDS because, being from the entertainment industry, he knew some people with AIDS. But, he didn't use his power to help them until he was out of office. Or, until it was politically safe for him to do so.

So, when he showed up at a rally to show support, he shouldn't have been surprised that an AIDS activist shouted at him (and I'm paraphrasing here because I don't have the exact quote), "You've done enough already. We don't need your damn help." Those were my sentiments as well.

So now, why do I feel sorry for Nancy Reagan? I suppose for the same reason that Jane Fonda should be forgiven for being photographed in 1972 sitting in a North Vietnamese anti-aircraft tank. She stated on 60-minutes concerning the event, "I will go to my grave regretting that. The image of Jane Fonda, Barbarella, Henry Fonda's daughter, just a woman sitting on a enemy aircraft gun, was a betrayal. It was like I was thumbing my nose at the military. And at the country that gave me privilege. It was the largest lapse of judgment that I can even imagine. I don't thumb my nose at this country. I care deeply about American soldiers." Some people will never find forgiveness in their hearts. It's just not what they are made of. But my experience is that age changes your perspectives on life, issues, and people.

People make mistakes and attitudes on issues change over time. It's important to understand that and it's important to put it into a context of time. It used to be "ok" with most people that gay bars were routinely raided by the police. In those days, it was really the only place to go to meet other gay people. Why go to gay bars? Because you felt so damned isolated. Most people saw little wrong with the police ruffing up some gays. And the people who went out and beat up gay people were never prosecuted. And if a gay person was murdered in the process, the police looked the other way many times. Indeed, the defense attorneys for the two boys convicted of the murder of Matthew Sheppard thought at first that their case was very strong because no jury in Wyoming would convict someone who killed a gay person. Why did they feel this way? Because it happened all the time. The same can be said of the plight of African Americans.

But looking back on those times, I believe that most people today find it unacceptable that many gay people (dare I say most?) today live with an element of fear every single day. Most find the practice of gay bashing unacceptable, unless you're Ann Coulter, and feel that it should be prosecuted. They don't quite yet believe that gays deserve federal protection from job discrimination or hate crimes, but at the local and state level, I see more of these crimes being prosecuted all the time. I guess that's why I'm willing to go to Idaho to see my family. But I do realize that outside the largest city of Boise, if people know that I'm gay, the risk I run or being gay bashed rises exponentially. It's a risk for me. I'm too old to lie to people anymore, or to give a damn. If someone has a problem with me, they won't have to try and figure out if I'm gay if they are too stupid to figure it out on their own. I'll simply tell them. I have to if I want to keep my personal pride and integrity.

I didn't used to be this way. I used to be scared when we lived in San Francisco. I remember being harassed many times while we lived in San Francisco. On one occasion, we left our apartment and were walking towards Market Street. Some schmuck started following us. He shouted, "Hey, are you two homosexuals?" We kept walking, but started walking faster. I asked Kent, "Should we stop?" We kept going. Then we heard the man say, "Are you two faggots? I'm talking to you!" By the time he said that, we were passing five other guys who witnessed this. They started talking to the guy to find out what his problem was. We kept walking. But then I heard shouting from a distance as a fight started. Over the years, I've wondered what happened, and I now regret living in that fear. Today, I would go back to the fight and finish it.

I guess the bottom line is, people have to learn to forgive others so that they themselves can move on, and grow. I've grown tired of being angry at people for wrongs they have done against me. Time, and a changing of attitudes will do more to those who oppress us than I could ever do. Time will do for marriage equality for gay couples what it did for slavery for African Americans.

I wish Nancy Reagan all the best and a speedy recovery. Sometimes I think the real lesson of life is letting go of crap that doesn't matter, and simply living.