Yes, I'm still around. So many things have been happening that it's all I can do to keep up.

My brother is settled for the time being in Boise at a rehab center at the VA hospital. He was doing ok until a week or so ago when they noticed blot clots that had accumulated in his lungs. So, that was a set-back for him. He had to stop walking and doing his exercises, which is a big problem when you are trying to gain strength back. They were afraid that by walking, one of the clots would discharge and travel somewhere else in his body. This is how people die from blood clots.

Then, I talked to my cousin who said that they were going to release him to go home in a week. That's when I called the hospital to talk to them. After a bit of cutting through the bureaucracy (I'm getting good at that), I talked to his social worker, who coordinates with the doctors when the release will happen. I talked to her about the very obvious (to me at least); What if he falls? How is he going to get groceries when he can't even drive? And if he gets groceries, he's not yet able to cook for himself. Do you realize that he lives alone with very little support? And the best one of all; How on earth can you think of a release date when he has blood clots ANYWHERE? It honestly just amazes me.

She assured me he wouldn't be released until they thought he was ready and that these dates change all the time based on how he's doing from day to day. I understand that, but I told her that for them to even be thinking of a release date when he has blood clots is "crazy. I'm not even a doctor, and I know that much!" I can be emotional at times. But it's really just common sense.

She said they will give him a "life line" to wear. That's one of those necklace devices that you can push if you need help (you will probably know them by "...help!!!  I've fallen and I can't get up!"). Also, they will arrange for someone to come by every other day or so to check in on him and help him with certain things. I'm looking at meals on wheels, or some program like that.

Other than that, things are looking up in other areas. We remodeled his house completely. It's a home makeover, and I mean TOP TO BOTTOM; fixed the roof, new flooring/carpeting, new flat screen TV, and the HD antenna goes up soon, new bed, new bathroom, new paint. If he can live alone, I think he'll be all set. I'm thinking of going out to get him situated if I get enough of a warning. The way the VA works, they will come in one morning and say, "We're letting you go today."

On the home front, I'm doing pretty well. Work has been more stressful lately, and that messes up my body. I just can't take stress anymore. I saw my cardiologist last Thursday, and he's concerned that I'm pushing myself too much, and that I'm feeling so much fatigue in the afternoons-evenings - something that I've learned to live with. I can see his concern, but I don't think he understands the stress levels I'm at. He ordered a blood test, and a stress test - routine things. It's a good thing. I want to know where I'm at now. He said the heart sounds quite strong and normal.

As far as work is concerned, I'm thinking of working it out so I work at home two days a week and go in three days. I think that will cut down on the stress levels. I'll still be online with them and will still have the deadlines, but I won't have people dropping by all the time with their issues that they could just as well schedule out. It's not as good for them, but it's better for me. The only thing I really know is, I'm not going to kill myself for this job.

Wedding day seems set. We are having it on October 15th, which just happens to also be Kent's birthday. Some family members would like to come, and others don't. It's become so complicated on how to handle that, that we are leaning towards a private wedding - just the two of us and maybe a few close friends. After that, we'll probably go down to Mystic Seaport for the weekend, or maybe to Cambridge, MA. We'll choose one of them (as opposed to Maine), because Connecticut and Massachusetts see us as equal, where Maine does not. On this day of all days, that's important to us.

One thing that I have become painfully aware of, is that our wedding is not just a wedding to most people. It is a political statement. No matter how open minded people are, they will always see two men or two women getting married as different. They will see them differently than they would a straight couple. I'm not saying that makes them bad people. I'm saying that for us to expect them to see our wedding as a simple wedding, is a reach. Maybe in 50-100 years that will happen, but not now. I'm ok with that. It is what it is, and it takes people time to change, perhaps it takes a generation who grow up with it, that much time to change.

I bought a Wii today. I'm not so interested in the games, although I may try some of the exercise routines it offers. I've noticed lately that when I go to my Netflix queue, more and more movies offer "View Instantly", as opposed to waiting to get the CD to arrive in the mail. And the Wii makes that happen. It talks to Netflix apparently and you can do it all right from there if you have the Netflix disc (waiting for it to arrive). I'm very much into instant gratification and if I can just press a button on my TV screen and watch the movie, well, that's just cool!

I can't find the words for this, but I'm hoping this won't be our future...

Friday is "bagel day" for us. Every single Friday, when Kent is home, we will go for bagels at Charlies.

On my way to Charlies, I was listening to the radio where they were interviewing Carol Burnett of all people. She's elderly now, but I grew up with her, watching her show each week. You never knew what was going to happen. She's genuinely a person who has seen a lot. She talked about her daughter who was in rehab at age 18 who had gotten herself clean, sober, and drug free. And, at the age of 38, her daughter succumbed to cancer.

Carol said that the nurses were always uplifted by being around her daughter. One of them asked her daughter how she was able to be so upbeat all the time.

"Everyday I wake up, I make a decision to love my life."

That's all. That was her attitude. When Carol mentioned that her daughter, bald head and all from all the chemotherapy, didn't mind going to the hospital, her daughter said that she loved returning to the hospital because the food was so fabulous.

You have to have a sense of humor about it all. I've come to look at life a lot like that. Perhaps being faced with serious medical issues forces one to look at life in a completely different way. I no longer let work run my life. It does stress me out a bit, but I try to make room for things I enjoy.

I've also stopped writing about political issues because quite frankly, they are a drag to write about when things are so bleak for the rights of gay couples. So many states have constitutional amendments against allowing marriage equality for gay couples. I've written about this at length. And even having all the legal papers is no guarantee that your relationship will be honored.

Langbehn not only had the three children she adopted with Pond with her at the Florida hospital, but she also carried with her a power of attorney and other legal documents to show that they were a couple.

Langbehn was told by the hospital publicist that she was in an anti-gay state, and was forced to wait for eight hours in the waiting room. (source)

It appears that President Obama has made a rule change that will make these sorts of things change. Same sex partners will now be able to make medical decisions on behalf of their partners, if the hospital participates in Medicare or Medicaid. That covers just about every hospital in the country. This is huge. This is one of the things marriage covers, and it is one of the many reasons that we have decided to get married this Fall.

Finally, the big reason I stopped talking so much about politics is simply that the movement for equality has taken on a life of it's own, and a lot of that has do to with lawsuits, more people coming out to their family and friends, and bloggers who relentlessly point out the inequalities in our nation.

This is one big step towards equality. One thing leads to another. This removes one brick in the foundation of intolerance and bigotry. We will accomplish this one brick at a time, until the whole thing comes falling to the ground. And when that happens, the states will be forced to follow the full faith and credit clause of the U.S. Constitution. That's right Idaho... if my marriage is valid in Connecticut, YOU MUST HONOR IT, or secede from The Union.

Either one works for me.

Spring has finally arrived in New England. After all the rain we've had, we are enjoying high 70 degree weather, which is drying things out nicely. I woke this morning around 7:30, and after an hour of waking up, accompanied by a couple of cups of nice strong Italian coffee, we had our usual bagels with salmon, capers, onion, and red tomato, with a bit of reduced fat cream cheese.

Kent had some work to do, so I spent the cool hours of the morning working on the front yard, getting the clematis prepared for the nice summer ahead, and clearing out the leaves left from last Fall.

One of the things I love about our home and property is that it was planned to be low maintenance. Within a couple of weekends, we will have everything done for the rest of the summer. We have a bit of maintenance to do here and there, such as mowing the lawn. I used to mow lawn when I was a slave (teenage boy - I would say "son", but let's not push it), who's job is was to do all the unpleasant chores around the house, such as, mowing the lawn.. After I gained my freedom, I vowed never to mow again. But our lawn is turning into this beautiful green moss that requires no mowing. I'm just going with it. Next weekend, we will replace our bird feeders with new ones, a new wind chime, and a water fountain for our deck. We should be able to accomplish that next weekend. Then, the only thing I have left is to seal the chairs and table in the garden in the forest in our lower back lawn. I guess you would call it a shade garden. Shade loving plants love to grow there.

OK.... I think two margaritas is enough for this afternoon. I love the weather and have been spending time on my deck sipping margaritas because of the nice warm weather. I'm making them with top shelf Tequila, which most would not do. They would use it as a sipping Tequila, but what the hell, we live once right? But it's time to come in and start thinking of dinner. I'm thinking grilled chicken marinated in a Mexican pepper sauce, some kind of spicy rice, and a green salad. Before all of that, we'll have the chilled asparagus cream soup (a totally fat free soup! I'll share the recipe later) I made yesterday. It should be ready by now.

I do want to close with this...

It was June 5th of last year that I went in to the hospital for double bypass heart surgery. I spent the rest of the summer on narcotic pain medication. Actually, I remember very little of last summer. This summer is different for me. I want to be there for all of it. I'm really looking forward to it. We have no trips planned to speak of. I'm not sure I will be making it to Idaho or not, but that's a long story.

Oh! We've also decided to get married this Fall. Yeah, for real! We don't know the dates yet, but we will have a civil wedding. It may be just the two of us and a few friends. Or, family and friends may show up, which would be really really amazing. But, we won't be down if it's just us. We love each other so much. We'll make it special in our own way. I've come to the conclusion, with what's happened to me in the last year, that I simply can't wait for other people to catch up to where I'm at. If you don't know what I mean by that, don't worry about it. It's all good!

I haven't posted for awhile. The fact is, I've been sick. When you are sick, it's really hard to get motivated about anything. Kent has been gone for the last two and a half weeks to South Africa. I concentrated on work. But the evenings were lonely. Two and a half weeks is longer than you think, especially when you are going to bed at 8:00 every night just completely exhausted.

But I'm feeling a bit better now, and Kent got home last night. So I'm getting life back on track.

There's so many things that I've wanted to write about, but somehow life got in the way. I wanted to write about the hideous message written by The Observer, the student newspaper from Notre Dame University. It was a take off of a really bad and homophobic joke that went something like... "What is the easiest way to turn a fruit into a vegetable? With AIDS." But then the staff decided that it wasn't nice to make fun of a "fatal disease". So they took out the AIDS reference and said, "How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? With a baseball bat."

I've thought about writing about it, but a few things came to mind. One is that I'm really quite amazed that 30 years after AIDS hit the gay community so hard, that it's still considered by some to be funny. Even Bob Hope made jokes about gay people dying of AIDS. I suppose awareness has reached a high by the staff of The Observer, who came to the conclusion that just maybe it's not "ok" to make fun of a "fatal disease".

So, after this was published, all hell broke loose, and the editor of the paper ended up resigning. Fine. Whatever it takes for the Catholic University to save face right? But it's not right. Notre Dame has not yet come out and spoke out against it. Not really. The President of the university made a weak statement, and that was it. The Observer has apologized. You can read more about it here if you'd like.

At any rate, I no longer have the energy or time to waste on worthless people who have nothing else better to do than inflict pain on others.

Then, I read about the win of Scott Brown in Massachusetts to the U.S. Senate. I have mixed feelings about this. First off, the Democrats are solely responsible for this. They've dropped the ball on so many things. It seems that all they can do if fight amongst themselves without solving anything. Meanwhile, Scott Brown wins. The Democrats don't need an enemy. They have one in themselves. The health care issue should have been put to rest six months ago, and the President should be talking about JOBS now.

And here we have Scott Brown, someone who has voted for a state constitutional amendment against same sex marriage in Massachusetts twice, who said that two women who have a child is "not normal", and who has stated that he would be for a national constitutional amendment against gay marriage." The list goes on.

And for all the gay folks who voted for Scott Brown in Massachusetts, I understand you. I'm frustrated too. What I don't understand is how can you vote for someone who would strip you of your rights? I just don't understand that. I understand that there are other issues to attend to and that gay equality is just one of many, but I'm talking about the core of your identity. You can say that it's just one aspect of you. I agree with that. But, will you still be able to say that when it is enshrined in The Constitution of the United States that you are a second class citizen? Something to think about.

The rest of politics mean nothing to me because I realize now that things will go on one way or the other. This country will either rise and become great again (not looking good), or we will become bankrupt and without one shred of principle that The Constitution holds within it. This is quite beyond my control.

So, my days consist of going to work, coming home, spending time with my cats and family, and watching my favorite shows on TV. I know, not very exciting, but I'm just being honest.

I can't wait for Spring to get here.

On June 5th, I went in for double bypass heart surgery. It would seem that I have the same condition that took my father's life way back in 1961. But in 2009, medical advances have made it possible to save my life.

What followed the operation was a long recovery that was painful and slow. But every single awful thing in life has a silver lining. In my case, that lining was made of gold. This is what came out of this experience I had...

1) I'm lucky to be alive. I thank my doctor for this who, on a hunch, sent me for tests that proved that I was not suffering from asthma, but something far more dangerous. If he had not done that, the specialists said that there was an 80% chance that I would be dead within three years.

2) I'm lucky to have had so much support during this time. Our parents (Kent's folks) have been amazing. They flew out to stay with us for two weeks after I was released from the hospital. Kent has been there the whole time. I have no idea how I would have made it through all of this without my family.

3) I'm not alone. Aside from my family, I received no less than 100 cards and several hundred emails wishing me the best during a difficult time.

The hard part now is to try to find myself again. My body is different, and it feels different. I still tire easily and there's only so much I can do in a day. Yes, it's VERY frustrating. But, I'm trying, and part of that is going to the gym. I'm trying for no less than three times a week, and hopefully more. It's hard to do because I see all around me these young guys who run for almost an hour hardly breaking a sweat. And here I am on my treadmill, walking fast with a slight incline for no more than 30 minutes with a maximum heart rate that can go no higher than 125. That's all. And after that's done, I'm pretty much out of energy for the rest of the day. I'm told that recovery takes a full year, so I guess by next summer I'll know what my permanent condition will be.

Kent leaves for South Africa again this coming Sunday. He will be gone for two and a half weeks. The last time he was in South Africa, he ended up coming home early so I could have my operation. This time, I'm a bit apprehensive at being home completely alone for that long, but this will be a test. I need to know I can do this.

So, life goes on and I'm happy to put 2009 behind us. It's been the worst year of my life, but that means 2010 will surely be better! And who knows, talk of marriage for us is in the works.

Finally, I want to offer congratulations to gay couples in New Hampshire. As of today, in their state, they are equal to straight couples in their state. As of today, gay couples in New Hampshire have access to marriage. Congrats guys and gals!

I bet that not a single gay marriage opponent would have cried if equal marriage had triumphed in the New York Senate last week.

They would have been angry, sure. They would have moaned about the "demise" of the traditional family.

Perhaps they would have even been afraid.

But sad to the point of tears? No.

That's because marriage equality is not personal for them. Not in the way it's personal for us. (Source)

We took a few days off and went to Washington, D.C. for a few days. We left Hartford on Friday and will leave on Tuesday.

We're having a great time seeing all the sites again, but this time, it's not the first time we've been here, so we can pick and choose our favorite places. Oddly enough, one of my favorite places is Arlington National Cemetery. I know a lot of you are asking, "WHY?". Well, because of my life philosophy. I believe life is a mixture of a lot of things; happy, sad, wonderment, thoughtfulness, hard times and good times, friends, family, birth, and death, and what all of those mean to each person. It's different for everyone.

I know people who go through their entire lives being happy. Just happy. And when something bad happens to them in their lives, as it eventually will, surely God will take care of it. He won't. It's just you and your friends and your family. I'm actually good with that. I'm also good with the fact that they are happy and don't want to explorer anything out of that mystical sphere that they have going on. Good for them!

But everything in my upbringing, my life experiences; the loss of so many of my friends at an early age, so much death in my early years with my family, and this year, confronting the fact that this could have been my last year.... all these things have made me. I own then, whether I like them or not.

So I had no problem going to Arlington to be in the company of men and women who have shaped our nation, with the vast majority of them dying a horrible death alone on some battlefield. I don't talk much when I go there. Silence is for them. And also, I'm somewhat overwhelmed with a mixture of profound sadness; not for them, but for the fact that as a human race, war seems to be necessary for some insane reason. And, I'm grateful for them, that they "gave the last full measure of devotion". And as long as we remember, and people like me remember their sacrifice, they will not have died in vain.

We visited John F. Kennedy's grave site, and just a short walk away was Bobby Kennedy's grave, and just a short walk from that, the same distance, was Senator Edward Kennedy's grave site. It was hard to see that. People were there. No one spoke. Many were crying. I guess that is what we should tap into more. If we did that, perhaps we wouldn't be so cruel to each other as days go by.

Someone remarked online last night, "Why do you think our country isn't free?" I quickly typed that freedom isn't freedom unless every single one of us have the same rights as everyone else. That is the definition of freedom. We don't live in a country shrouded by freedom. We live in a country where the majority have their rights, and others don't. Some people like it that way, obviously. Just look at what happened in Maine last week. But, if that's the way you like our nation to be, don't call that freedom.

This is not what those men and women in Arlington Cemetery died for.

I will be thinking of the people of Maine today. The legislature and Governor passed a bill making marriage equality for gay couples a reality.

Today, the voters show up at the polls to approve or veto that bill. I'm hoping the people of Maine will vote for fairness. I'm hoping they will vote for equality and allow gay couples to marry. I'm hoping they won't strip away the civil rights of a minority because of bias. I'm hoping they will allow gay and lesbian couples to achieve part of the American Dream.

On the ballot, Question 1 reads: "Do you want to reject the new law that lets same-sex couples marry and allows individuals and religious groups to refuse to perform these marriages?" The answer MUST BE, NO.

It amazes me how one single event in a person's life can alter the priority list for that person. We all have priority lists; what is the most important thing to you, and the least important. And between those two extremes, are all the things that we do in our daily lives.

Take me for example. I used to love blogging and talking (bitching) about social issues. I still love blogging when I have time and feel up to it, but social issues have really dropped on my list of priorities. It's not like I'm in a lot of pain anymore, and my progress with my cardiac rehab program is going well. In fact, in the last week, after months of really hard work, I can finally measure that I have a bit more stamina at the end of the day. Today, I see my cardiologist. After that, I will go home, and it's entirely possible that I will feel up to taking a nice long, fast-paced walk after I get home. And all of this after I took my cardiac rehab class this morning, and worked most of the day. A month ago, when I got home after all of that, I would have been wiped out. So, I see progress.

But I've also noticed that what is important to me has shifted. It's as if I'm looking at the world now through different eyes. I'm online less now with the social networks. I suppose I should care about the social issues more. I am an activist after all. But somehow, my heart just isn't in it (no pun intended). I think some of that has to do with our society as a whole right now. We seem much more disconnected with each other and much more withdrawn individually. Perhaps that's because so many of us face a less predictable future with jobs and health care in general. With me, I think it's few things.

First and foremost, I could have died. That was a wake up call to me of all the things I took for granted and just how easily life can go out with the blink of an eye. Life is so fragile. I'm lucky. I have a doctor who picked up on warning signs that many doctors would have missed. Also, so much life can simply be missed by being angry at how society looks at you because of the color of your skin, your sexuality, or any other thing about you that is different. I'm tired of being angry because I don't have that luxury any more. Nor should I. The world will do what the world is going to do whether I like it or not, with or without me.

That being said, I am happy about the hate crimes bill that is now on it's way to the President for his signature. This was years in the making, and even today, there are many in Congress who wanted it to be it's own bill so it would die again. But this time, it's attached to the defense funding bill, and that has many on Capitol Hill bitching and moaning that they are being forced to pass a bill that will collect statistics and add time to sentencing if you beat up or kill a gay, lesbian, or transgendered person. In other words, we are no longer invisible. They now have to acknowledge that hate crimes are actually something that a large part of my community fear and have had to live with for a very long time. I also have hope that progress can be made on Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and the Defense of Marriage Act. Both of them should be abolished, and my hope is that will happen sometime in the next 3 years.

But happen or not, I think about myself and my family now first and foremost. Everything else is gravy. If that makes me a selfish bastard, I can live with that. I've paid my dues and I've done my fair share of marches and protests.