General Stuff: October 2007 Archives

Over the course of the last six months, we have been privileged to be visited daily by a family of wild turkeys. We live out in the country. The lots around us are large, which means that in between the lots, it’s forest. So, the turkeys seems to have this path mapped out where they go from lot to lot, through the forest, out in our yard, and then on to the next lot.

When we first encountered them, there was the mother, who was quite large, and five little tiny fuzzy balls of joy. They would stay hidden in the forest when their mother would enter our yard. When she made sure it was all clear, she would signal them to come out. They were so cute running as fast as they could to catch up to their mother.

Over time, they learned that we would not harm them. On our porch, we have a series of bird feeders for smaller birds. The seeds that the birds didn’t eat would fall to the ground. So these turkeys came quite close to the house to pick up the access seed that had fallen on the ground. I went outside once to sit on the steps of the porch. I didn’t realize they were there. I looked over to my right, and five feet from me was the mother turkey who briefly looked up to say a gobble or two, and proceeded to eat more. I simply said, “Hello there”, and that was that.

Over the course of time, the small ones grew until they were close to the size of their mother. Today, they stick together, but the mother is no where to be found. The other day, I spotted her in the back yard, but without her five youngsters. They had gone their separate ways. And in time, the siblings will part and go their separate ways as well. That’s the way it is with turkeys.

This is the way human beings relate as well, aside from the fact that we like to think of ourselves as being more evolved.

My family and I are quite distant, physically, and emotionally. For the most part, I like it that way. My family has a lot of baggage that I really don’t need in my life. As a gay man, like many other gay men, friends are extremely important to me. They become family to me. I think this is why I place such strong importance on friendship, I suppose, to a fault.

I have worked with people who were like brothers to me. There are a few individuals who fall into this category. They happened to have worked with me in the past, or at the place I work at. When they left the company, they each pledged to keep in touch. I was sure they would because I had close emotional ties to them. In fact, I considered one like a brother to me. There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for him. And when he left the company, on his last day, I privately went to a private conference room, closed the door, and cried. I know, it sounds like an over-reaction, but I knew the guy for over a decade, I knew his family, and over that time, somehow, he kind of became my extended family, honestly, like a brother to me. We have exchanged only one email since the time he left. In that email was a promise of a lunch, but I know that nothing will happen. We have gone our separate ways.

So too has it been with four other individuals who “wanted to keep in touch”. I had dinner with one about a year ago, after not seeing him for five years. He never called back, but later sent me an email stating, “I have been a horrible friend...”. Well, yes. I can’t argue with that. But it seems to be human nature.

My problem is that I’m not a turkey! When I give my friendship to someone, it lasts a lifetime. I have a friend who is a turkey. He is a childhood friend. He went his separate way. I haven’t heard from him in about 12 years. But here’s the thing. If he needed me and called me, I’d be right there for him just like it was yesterday, with no questions asked. That is what I am.

I accept that 99.99% of all people are turkeys. I simply have to get over being hurt when they treat my sacred friendship with them as if I’m a fellow turkey, because, I’M NOT. I never brush off a friendship. I never forget people. I care for people, and I think I want to keep it that way, even though they don’t return the favor.

Outside of my little microcosm of friends turkeys, what does this mean for America? It means that as a nation, generally speaking, we have no allegiance with anyone really, accept for ourselves and the people that are in our lives at the time. We, for the most part go through life having people enter and leave our lives, thinking little about it... just like the turkeys in my back yard. And people are ok with that it seems. And when America really starts falling apart economically and socially (for those of you out there who are not turkeys, but ostriches who have your head in the sand, it’s already happening), we will really have only ourselves to rely on because we are, after all, only turkeys.

Think about it.

Why am I different? Because at an early age, when my friends were dying of AIDS, we made promises to each other, as though our very lives depended on it. We would “mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.” I kid you not. And I can’t tell you everything that entailed. No, I really can not tell you, if you get my drift. Let’s just say, we did what we had to do for our friends, and part of that pledge was to never talk about these things again. That is what friendship is to me.

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