Essays: July 2002 Archives

As Americans, there are many great things that we realize about our country. I would like to think that most of us stop occasionally to think about all the privileges that we have here and for the most part, take for granted. We like to say things such as "we are the greatest nation on earth", "liberty and freedom for all", and "we are all equal under the law", among others. But to many people in this great nation, being "equal under the law" depends largely on who you are and, unfortunately, which group you belong to. If everyone is truly equal in America, you would expect that most everyone would answer the same basic questions the same way. For example, if you ask citizens if they consider all Americans to be equal under the law, you would expect the answer to be "yes, we are all equal under the law and every other way", if we were all truly equal. The fact is, we aren't. The fact is, America has a long ways to go before absolute equality is achieved, not only in issues of legality, but also in issues of social acceptance.

I'm talking about people who are pulled over for no other reason than being black and in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I'm talking about all the children in schools who are left behind because their parents lack status or money.

I'm talking about people who are beaten, raped, or murdered with little or no action from local authorities because the are part of an "undesirable minority". Somehow, they "deserved" what they got.

I'm talking about the total lack of privacy (Bowers v. Hardwick) for some in our population in which the Supreme Court itself has said that certain groups of our citizens do not deserve the same right to privacy as others in our society.

I'm talking about citizens of our great nation who are less valuable than others, and are therefore expendable. I'm talking about an American president (Ronald Reagan) who, during his administration in the 1980's never once said the word "AIDS" publically because it wasn't important to him that gay men were dying left and right from a mysterious (at that time) disease. Yes, this is personal to me. I watched many wonderful people die before me eyes while the last realization they felt was that nobody in America cared. Even today, many Americans still consider this a "gay disease". How many of their sons and daughters must die from this before they come to the realization that whatever you are, you are just as human as anyone else and that AIDS really doesn’t give a damn WHO you are? To me, AIDS is no longer a personal problem that I have to deal with in terms of having to let my friends go. They are now gone and my mourning for them is over. It now belongs to society. I will let them deal with it, or not. My brothers and I have carried the burden long enough. It’s time for others to care, or not.

I'm talking about people like James Byrd who was dragged to death in Texas, just for being black or Matthew Shepard who was killed by those who thought him to be gay.

And then there are the institutions in America that are as American as apple pie. I'm talking about such American institutions as the American Red Cross, the Salvation Army, the Boy Scouts of America, and yes, the US Military. What do they all have in common? Every last one of them share in many of the characteristics that I have mentioned above. Let's take them one at a time.

The American Red Cross: I used to give blood every time the Red Cross would visit my company. I was religious about it because it was some small way that I could help my fellow Americans in their critical time of need. Yes, I used to give blood all the time. That is, before AIDS came along. Now, I am barred for life from ever giving blood again. The reason: I am a gay man. That's all. I say this not because it is personal to me. It used to be, but I have passed that point in my life now. I do however have some very choice words for them when they come to my company for a blood drive begging people to give because the supply is so short. They did this to themselves. With today’s technology, there are ways to screen blood that does not match the scrutiny of the screening process. Even the Red Cross agrees to this. But, they have their policy, and that's good enough for them. There is a word that describes their policy. It is “bigotry”.

The Salvation Army: This story came out in July, 2001. The Bush Administration was working with the Salvation Army to make it easier for government-funded religious groups to practice hiring discrimination against gay people. Click on the Salvation Army link to read the full story.

We’ve all read about how the Boy Scouts of America feel about gay scouts and gay troop leaders. Once they find out they are gay, they are out. It doesn’t matter how many medals a scout has earned or what level the scout is out, or what exemplary record the individual has earned. Suddenly, all of that is irrelevant. I know an individual who was a scout leader for 25 years. Once the Boy Scouts of America found out he was gay, he was gone. But does the blame fall totally on the Boy Scouts of America? Many of these groups operate the way they do and enforce the policies they have because many in society agree with it. For example, I’ve worked with an individual for about seven years now. We work well together and freely talk about his family along with the other people I work for. Not once has the subject of my family and my partner ever come up. I know he’s uncomfortable with it, so I don’t bring it up. It is neutral to me because people don’t have to agree with me to work with me. Not so long ago, he and his wife made a decision to enter their son in the Boy Scouts. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was. I guess I expected him to be more enlightened than that, having worked with me for the last seven years. What does it teach his son that he will be part of an organization that openly discriminates against an entire group of people for no good reason? Will his son grow up with those values? Will his son someday decide not to hire someone who he suspects of being gay? Will his son end up in jail for beating or killing someone gay? I know, you think I’m reaching here, but I’m really talking about someone I know, who was Catholic, who always went to church, who heard the message that it’s ok to do whatever to people who are different. Today, he is serving a forty-year sentence for killing a gay man twelve years ago. See where this all begins? Violence does not happen over night. It is taught over time.

I was going to talk about the military, but quite frankly, I’m disgusted with them in terms of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Most people have no idea what happens to gay people in the military. If you happen to be one of the few people reading this who does actually care, you can read the Eighth Annual Report on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Pursue.

Finally, I’m talking about religious leaders who take every opportunity to further separate us in the name of religion and God. This morning (July 5th, 2002), my life partner and I (I guess I can’t call him “husband” yet) were on our way out to breakfast at one of our favorite restaurants. We were talking about society and how much better things have gotten since the time we lived in San Francisco in the 80’s. We lived in a neighborhood there called “The Castro”. It was safer because 99% of the population was gay. Eventually we moved to Connecticut. It was difficult because I had fears of what was ahead of us. I actually felt like I was leaving “OZ” and venturing out into the black forest where I would be at the mercy of God knows what (no, I’m not exaggerating). How many of us in the US face that kind of fear every day? Well, of few of us do. But, there was nothing left for me there, and I knew it. San Francisco represented a graveyard of my closest and dearest friends. I had to leave and start my life again.

So, we are sitting in the car waiting for the restaurant to open, and my partner is reading about President Bush who was to give a speech at a Fourth of July celebration. The event began with a prayer from the Rev. Jack Miller, of West Ripley Baptist Church. He said, "We have ridiculed the absolute truth of your word in the name of multiculturalism. We have been forced to honor sexual deviance in the name of freedom of expression. We have exploited the system of education in the name of the lottery. We have toyed with the idea of helping human life in the name of medical research. We have killed our unborn children in the name of choice."

My partner turned to me and said, "Maybe we haven’t come that far after all."