Essays: May 2007 Archives

On December 1, 2004, I had a bad fight with a friend at work. We didn’t talk with each other for a few months. After that, he asked, “Are we alright?” I told him, “Yeah, we are alright.” That was a lie. We went our separate ways and avoided each other completely. In the last six weeks, I’ve started trying to get to know him again. I’ve asked him out to lunch probably 5 times, and he was “too busy” each time. The last time, I decided to just drop the friendship. It takes two to be friends and if one is unwilling or unable too, it’s just not going to work.

So yesterday, he came back to my desk and asked if I had already had lunch. I told him that I had, but could go with him and have a soda. So we went to one of the fast food places for lunch. And, I reminded him of that day that he asked me if we were “alright”. I said, “The truth is, I wasn’t alright, not by a long shot.” He said, “uht oh..”, becoming uneasy at where this conversation was going. I interrupted and said, “No... I have to say something and I want you to understand me.” I reminded him of everything that was said that morning in 2004 right after Bush stole yet another election. I reminded him that at the time, President Bush had won the election largely by driving conservative voters to the polls on a promise to pass a constitution amendment against marriage equality for gay couples.

So, when my friend yelled in my face that it was “for the good of the country” that President Bush won the election, I told my friend that his statement was viewed by me as a grave insult against my family and all gay families like mine because President Bush didn’t win the election based on the war. He won the election based on putting fear into people that if he wasn’t re-elected, there would be no stopping marriage equality for gay couples.

He listened attentively. And I said, given the last four years, gay marriage has been pushed to the back burner because Bush has basically destroyed our country and our world reputation. And of course, the day after the election, Bush never spoke of the constitutional amendment again. The conservative voters that put him into office on a promise to protect their fragile marriages against all the queer couples who wanted marriage..... WERE LIED TO.

Not surprisingly, my friend has become very disenchanted with the President, so I guess it wasn’t for the good of the country after all. I usually love being right, but not this time.

I don’t know if my friend and I will get back to where we were. Everything has changed. The country is not where it was in 2004. People have changed their minds on this president. But one thing remains. Not once during the conversation did my friend once say that he was sorry about slamming my family, or at least sorry that I interpreted his statements in that way -- that he didn’t mean it that way.

As far as I’m concerned, I can forgive and forget. I’ve changed a great deal in the last few years as well. It’s been a wake up call for me to stop worrying about people who don’t care about people like me, whether they be ex-friends, or the President of the United States. I am only concerned now with my world. I’ve grown more selfish in my needs and my wants, which center around my family -- just like the typical every day American. Sad, isn’t it that we no longer care for each other as a people?

Except I still support the troops where I can with free (for them, not for me) phone cards so they can call home occasionally. I try to do my part to support the troops. While everyone else who stated that they voted for Bush because it was “for the good of the country”, now sit back and watch TV in their easy chairs complaining about gas prices, while our young men and women in the military are put through the meat grinder in Iraq, and pat themselves on the back for putting those yellow “Support Our Troops” stickers on the back of their cars, I am actually doing something about it. I really do support the troops, even though I’m sure that the majority of those who are using my money to call home with probably don’t care much for gay people.

But, I believe that is what is good for the country. I still care for people, even though they don’t care much for me. Perhaps so-called Christians could learn a lesson in charity from the likes of me. We need to start seeing each other as people and actually start caring for each other. If we can’t start doing that, this country is lost.