Recently in Our Family Category

I read about issues like this more and more. I read here and there that the gay couples who have opted to go ahead and get a "civil union", are now sorry that they made that decision. It supposedly gives you marriage equality in the state of Connecticut, IN EVERY WAY. At least, that's the bill of goods that we bought into when this state passed it's so called "civil union" bill. From the actual bill itself:

Sec. 14. (NEW) (Effective October 1, 2005) Parties to a civil union shall have all the same benefits, protections and responsibilities under law, whether derived from the general statutes, administrative regulations or court rules, policy, common law or any other source of civil law, as are granted to spouses in a marriage, which is defined as the union of one man and one woman. (source)

We don't plan on getting a civil union. We don't plan on our state or anyone else forcing us into something that's just not equal. We are happy right where we are.

So, now that tax season is upon us, we of course filed separately with the state and the federal government. It's not as if we have any options. But when Kent went to file with Tax Cut, the software we've been using for a few years now to prepare our taxes with, it had a button for information for those in "civil unions" in Connecticut. Basically, it simply stated that if you actually are in a Connecticut civil union and want to file jointly in Connecticut, you are welcome to do that, BUT, you first had to file a fake federal return pretending like you were married, so that you could indicate the federal calculation for the the state filing. You would then use that information to file the state return. Then, when you did your federal return, you would redo the whole thing separately and without the marriage calculations, since the federal government does not honor civil unions, or apparently marriage (Massachusetts) for that matter for gay couples.

Bottom line is, when Kent explained all the hoops we would have to go through to file a joint tax return in Connecticut under the civil union law, my reply was, "SCREW THAT!". Now, I'm more convinced than ever that I don't want a sham marriage that civil unions provides.

This morning, I came across this bit of information....

HARTFORD, CT – The American Civil Liberties Union sent a demand letter to H&R Block today demanding that it change its online tax preparation system to accommodate gay couples in Connecticut with civil unions. The ACLU is representing a couple with a civil union who attempted to file their taxes on the company’s website through their online service, TaxCut Online, but were told, “We don’t support Connecticut civil union returns.” Through its website, the company said the couple would have to work with one of their professionals, by phone or at one of their office locations, which would be more time consuming and substantially more expensive. (A PDF with screen captures of the messages is available at http://www.aclu.org/lgbt/relationships/34632res20080325.html)

“This is yet another example of the many ways that civil unions just don’t live up to marriage,” said Jason Smith of Hartford, who has been with his partner Settimio Pisu for six years. “It really stung when I realized it would cost an additional $150 dollars to have our tax returns prepared. We’re saving for a house and hoping to start a family, so every penny counts right now.”

According to the letter the ACLU sent to H&R Block, failing to provide gay couples with civil unions the option of filing their taxes online as it does for married couples is in violation of a state law that bars discrimination based on sexual orientation and civil union status. The letter demands that the company adapt its website to accommodate couples with civil unions and to reimburse all couples who were forced to pay the additional charges due to H&R Block’s discriminatory practices.

“The civil union law has been in effect for nearly three years now, yet companies still aren’t taking it seriously,” said Andrew Schneider of the ACLU of Connecticut. “There is no excusable reason why the company that likes to claim it’s the world’s largest tax services provider shouldn’t make its products available to everyone.” (source)

This doesn't really effect us at all. We are not part of a sham marriage called a civil union or domestic partnership, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Marriage is simply not available to us. We have accepted it and moved on. We filed separately since we have no choice. It's not clear we would be at an advantage to file jointly, but it would be nice to have the option available to us. But I do understand that there are selfish pricks amongst us who don't want to see that. That's fine I suppose. We've moved on. I simply find articles like this interesting because it really proves what I've been saying all along.

We got a lot of yard work done yesterday. It was warm, around 75 degrees. We took the opportunity to get the patio furniture out on the deck for the summer. I spent the afternoon cleaning up around the year, washing down the furniture, and grill, in preparation for dinner. I bought steak, potatoes, and vegetables for grilling. We made everything in the grill. I love grilled vegetables.

Tonight, we are having grilled chicken breasts, grilled vegetables, and fresh sour dough bread that is rising as I type this. Some months ago, we made a sour dough starter. It's really coming into its own now, and giving us some really great bread. From start to finish, a loaf of sour dough bread takes 5 hours. It's not quite as bad as all that. I let the bread machine to all the heavy work.

Along with the grilled chicken, vegetables, and bread, I'm having a peach salsa with the chicken. And along with all of that, I'll be grilling pear. I know it sounds strange, but grilled pear is really amazing. The vegetables are grilled 10 minutes, tops. The pear will only stay on the grill for a few minutes. It intensifies the flavor.

And I think I will repeat what I did yesterday. After all the yard work, I was all sweaty and hot. I took a cool shower, dressed in to summer clothes (short sleeve shirt and cut offs), and made a tall, ice cold red grapefruit margarita. Grapefruit juice and tequila. I use top shelf tequila, sipping quality. I don't skimp on the quality of any drink. If it's worth making, it's worth the best ingredients.

Well, after two of those, I could swear that it was getting cooler. :-)

I also want to say to Jeff and Moe up in Massachusetts, who got married yesterday, CONGRATULATIONS. I wish you both all the best. You make a great looking couple.

Cheers! Have a nice day.

Today, I took my violin to be tuned up and polished up a bit. It was a big step for me. I used to play violin some time ago. I started playing violin when I was seven years old. I've studied with a lot of different people in my time. The one thing that has always been there in my life, front the age of 16, was my violin. I was very fortunate to come into possession of a violin made by Antonio Gagliano in 1750. He's considered to be one of the Italian masters of his period. Below is the family tree.

Alessandro Gagliano - Napoli (~1660 - 1725)

Nicola (I) Gagliano - Napoli (~1695 - after 1740)

Ferdinando Gagliano - Napoli (1706 - 1781)

Guiseppe Gagliano - Napoli (1724 - 1793)

Antonio (I) Gagliano - Napoli (1737 - ~1797)

Giovanni Gagliano - Napoli (~1730 - 1806)

Nicola (II) Gagliano - Napoli (1793 - 1828)

Raffaele Gagliano - Napoli (~1790 - 1857)

Vincenzo Gagliano - Napoli (? - ~1886)

Antonio (II) Gagliano - Napoli (after 1790 - 1860)

Gennaro Gagliano - Napoli (~1700 - after 1770)

There were two brothers, Alessandro and Gennaro. Antonio was the son of Nicola. Antonio is the man who made my violin in 1750.

There's nothing quite like visiting a violin shop. The man who owns the show actually makes cellos, and has quite a reputation for his work. I was greeted by the shop cat (always a good sign of impeccable taste) who inspected me with great care. She concluded I was ok to be there, and preceded to go back to her sun spot.

I opened my case, and presented my violin to the shop keeper. He immediately started looking at the violin with a mixture of astonishment and awe. He placed the violin on the workbench and quickly ran over to grab some books on Italian violins. He studied the label inside the violin, and authenticated it. He then stepped back, took a breath, and said, "Oh wow!" I asked, "Is something wrong?" He said, "It's just so rare that I have something this beautiful in the shop. It's rare that an old Italian master comes in to the shop."

I told him my story of how I came to own the violin, why I stopped playing (he assured me that it was common), and proceeded to let me know the costs involved. I told him, "It's not about the cost. I will come and go with time. This will not if it's taken care of. When I bought this, I assumed the responsibility for it. That's why I'm here today."

We talked further about the "worth" of the instrument. In all honesty, I don't care about the worth of it. It's hard for me to think of it as "priceless". It's like a part of me. We have this history. He said, "I understand completely." He then looked at the bow and said, "Oh my God, look at the workmanship of this." He loved the bow and mentioned the weight of it. I replied, "I wanted a heavy German bow to match the weight that I deliver from my arm."

Well, I was a bit surprised by the "worth" of it all. We based it on another Antonio Gagliano that had been sold 10 years ago. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But, it seems disrespectful in a way to think of it in that light. I'm just glad I took this first step. This was the easy one. The more difficult step will be to pick up the violin and start playing again. That's when I confront what my body will allow me to do with the violin, after not touching it for 20 years. I'm a bit scared about that.

Kent will hate me for posting this, but I think it's kind of cool that they wrote about his research in an article called Renaissance scientist.

I received this in my email box this morning from the Human Rights Campaign Fund. We are members of their organization. They strive for equality for gay people, and gay couples. I thought I'd relay the information to those of you who are not members. You may find some of the information interesting and helpful.

Dear Bill,

In every paycheck you've ever received, you've been contributing to Social Security. Imagine knowing that, should you die, your partner won't receive the survivor benefits you've paid for.

Or imagine moving to another state, only to find that your partner will be kicked off of your health care plan.

Situations like these happen every day to GLBT people across the country. So HRC is launching a national effort TODAY to give same-sex couples and GLBT individuals the tools to navigate tax laws and ensure good financial decision-making.

HRC presents: 7 Days to a Better Financial You

I have pretty much stopped writing about discrimination and violence towards our community. Once in awhile, it will surface in an entry such as this, but I've gone through a change in my life. I've made a decision to let go of a lot of things. I no longer write about my governments complete inability to recognize our contributions to society. It's not as if we are asking for a National Gay Day. But social security survivor benefits, funeral and bereavement leave, joint tax filing, making spousal medical decisions, permission to make arrangements for burial or cremation of a partner, right to inheritance of property, visitation privileges to a spouse in a hospital... would be nice.

So, we kind of live life to the fullest. We love taking trips. We love being together and working on projects together. But there's this cloud of uncertainty over our heads. Basically, if something bad happens, will we be at the mercy of some stranger who is extending the courtesy of decency to us not because he/she has to by law, but because it's what he/she wants to do? That's not much to depend on, but that's where we are at.

My challenge, and my change in attitude is that worrying about all of that is detracting from getting as much out of life in the here and now, that I can. In other words, you can spend your whole life worrying about, "what if". I decided not to do that, and one of the ways I did that was to stop writing about it, reading about it, or actively caring about it. I support organizations who do care about it, like the Human Rights Campaign Fund. And, I support a state organization working to make marriage equality a reality in our state. But other than that, I live my life day to day, without worrying about tomorrow.

I'm fine with that, until tomorrow comes due. I'll worry about that then, and hopefully, I will be at the mercy of someone who understands just how vulnerable we are as a couple. And hopefully, that person will have the power to do the right thing. Unfortunately, I won't have federal benefits and no matter who is elected President, I don't honestly trust that they are going to give my community time of day, once they get our vote. Just like Bill Clinton. He went on and one about what he would do for our community. We ended up with Don't Ask, Don't Tell -- a policy that has been responsible for the discharge of over 10,000 gay soldiers, and the Defense of Marriage Act -- an act that prevents married gay couples from receiving federal benefits of marriage. Will that change in the new administration? Maybe, but what will take it's place? It's all a game to these people, and we are the pawns.

I'm sick of it. I've stopped worrying about people who care nothing for us. And what is left is my nice small world where I call the shots. And I'm having a good time doing that!

This morning, I received a call from a childhood friend. We have kept in touch over the years. We practically grew up together so keeping in touch with him is very important to me. He wanted me to know that my music teacher from childhood had passed away.

It's difficult to think of anyone in my life who had more influence on my passion for music than Mildred McFadden. In fact, if it wasn't for her influence in my life, I would never have known the great joy of music.

Mom took me to Mildred at that age of 7. Mom thought that I had talent. Of course, every parent thinks their children have talent. And Mildred took me in. I first started with violin, and later piano. As I got more advanced, I would play in the many recitals that Mildred would have at her home. She would have six to eight of them a year. I honestly was ok, but I didn't have a passion for it. It was yet another routine that I went through to keep busy with myself. I worked hard on a Chopin Polonaise. I was working on preparing it for the recital. Mildred said that it was beyond me, that I wasn't ready for it. She wanted me to play a Mozart sonata. I went home that night very angry because I would not be playing the Chopin at the recital. So, I pounded away at the very delicate Mozart sonata as if it were Chopin.

My next lesson came. I started playing the Mozart, and Mildred interrupted me and said, "Let me hear the Chopin." I was shocked because it was the last lesson we would have before the recital. I started playing the Chopin. I was still angry that I would not be playing it for the recital, and I played it with anger. Soon the room was engulfed with the sounds of Chopin coming from this grand piano. At some point during a very agitated part of the Polonaise, Mildred came over, placed her hands on my shoulders and said to me, "Feel the fire of that!" It was the most pivotal point in my music career. The fire she talked of was passion, and I realized that it had taken me over.

She then pulled out the program for the recital that had been printed up two weeks before. It listed me playing the Chopin. She had faith in me and knew how to motivate me, even when I didn't.

Later, when I was in high school, we would drive back and forth to Boise for rehearsals in the Boise Philharmonic. Those were great days. And on our trips over and back, we would share many stories about our experiences.

I last saw Mildred in 2005. She was 94 years hold. She stopped playing the violin, but was still actively teaching students despite the fact that she almost passed away the winter before from pneumonia. I took Kent with me to her home. She told Kent, "Bill was my star student." I didn't know what to say, but I do know what I now wished that I would have said - what I should have said.

I would have told her that she was everything to me. She was part of my family. But more than that, she showed me what life could be like with passion. She once told me, "Never be afraid to express yourself." So in expressing myself now, I want to say, thank you Mildred. Thank you so much for giving me the passion of music.

You have said that you had "a thoroughly blessed life." And you in turn gave that to me, through music. I will miss you.

Mildred Dixon McFadden Mildred H. Dixon McFadden, 97 years old, died peacefully on Wednesday, March 19, 2008, at Walter Knox Memorial Hospital, Emmett, Idaho after falling in her home.

Mrs. McFadden devoted her life to her loves of music, teaching, and foreign travel. Mildred was born to Henry and Vinnie Dixon on July 24, 1910 at Beatrice, Neb. Mildred began playing the piano at age eight. By age 17 she was teaching students across seven grades near Red Cloud, Neb. She went on to receive a degree from Neb. Wesleyan University in Lincoln, Class of 1932, with a major in Public School Music and Piano, and a minor in Violin. Following her studies she taught in Neb. for five years before moving to Glenns Ferry, Idaho, where she taught for the next nine years and where she met and fell in love with the late Jim McFadden. The two married in 1942 and in 1946 they moved to Emmett, where Jim had purchased the Gem Market. In Emmett, Mildred further devoted her life to music.

She was hired by Gem County Schools in 1950 to create a music program for the whole county; she taught in the school district for 20 years; she spent 25 years driving back and forth to Boise to play with the Philharmonic; she, until very recently, played with the Meridian Symphony; and she was active in the musical activities of both the Presbyterian and Mormon Churches. In total, Mildred taught music in the public schools of Neb. and Idaho for 35 years, instructing some 1,000 students each week. Although she retired in 1972, she continued to give private music lessons in her home, often without charge to young promising musicians, as she called them, until the time of her death.

Apart from her devotion to music and teaching, at age 45 Mildred discovered a passion for foreign travel. In the years to follow she made approximately 62 trips to some 140 foreign countries on every continent. At the age of 90 she climbed the 200 steps to the celebrated statue of Christ overlooking Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Never one to follow-the-pack, as bright and colorful as the clothes and jewelry she was known for wearing. Mildred McFadden will be missed and remembered by the many friends and family who loved her.

She is survived by nieces Alberta Hicks of Superior, Neb. Pat Lyne, of Hastings, Neb. ; nephew Kenneth Hurd, of Superior, Neb. and Rosemary Dixon, wife of her recently deceased nephew, Dr. F.Gene Dixon, of San Mateo, Calif. and their family. Mildred was always thankful for having what she referred to as "a thoroughly blessed life". The family wishes to thank her caregivers for their attention and devotion to her. Funeral arrangements are through Potter Funeral Home, 228 E. Main Street, Emmett, Idaho. Visitation will be on Thursday, March 27, 2008 from 3-8 p.m. Graveside Service will be on Friday, March 28 at 12 Noon at the Emmett Cemetery. A service to celebrate and remember her life will be held Friday, March 28, 2008 at 1 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church at 212 E. Third St. in Emmett. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in her memory to the First Presbyterian Church in Emmett or to Nebraska Wesleyan University Music Dept. 5000 Saint Paul Ave. Lincoln, NE 68504-2796

Yes, we are alive and well.

Vacations are exhausting. At least this one was for me. We went to the Grand Canyon again this year. The last time was three years ago. We stayed for two full days, then off to Monument Valley in the very southern part of Utah. It was an interesting experience and one that I'd recommend to anyone who loves the outdoors. Then, we were off to Sedona, Arizona for the remainder of the trip to visit with the folks and to see the canyon again. The last time we were there, we simply passed through the area, only stopping briefly. Not a lot happens in Sedona, but it's a great experience for a nature photographer. There's lots of subject matter. Sedona was really the only time that we had to relax a bit. Someday, I would like to take a vacation where I go and basically do nothing, where every single day is not planned out with a time table.

I took many photos. I'm a bit ashamed to say how many, but rest assured, that once I've gone through them, I'll post them up to my Flickr account for anyone to see.

Speaking of which, it's amazing to me how the Internet brings certain aspects together. For example, last night I received this email about a photo that I posted in June of 2007 of a street performer in Seattle. That was on our vacation to the Olympic National Park last summer. A comment was posted on the photo that said, "Thank you for taking and posting this photo! My name is Emery Carl and I am your performer." I was thinking, "How on earth did he ever find that?" I didn't post his name because I didn't know his name. Just strange. He put his web site in the link. I usually don't like advertising placed in my photos, but I figure it's ok. I did after all use his photo.

Since getting home, life has not slowed down for us. Kent is working late most nights at work on committees. I am trying to catch up after being out of the office for over a week. On top of that, I had to turn my car in because it's lease expired. I was attached to it. This new car his just too much intelligence built into it. This is the exact interior of my new car, color and all. The exterior is a deep burgundy.

I've tried to get back into political issues while returning. The Monday we got home, the Connecticut Supreme Court was hearing about the lack of benefits that the state civil unions offer. You can read the excerpts from the story or not. They are the ones that caught my eye...

Eager to celebrate their partnership, Tracy and Katy Weber Tierney were among the first in line when Connecticut created civil unions three years ago as a way to formalize same-sex relationships without using the word “marriage.”

But when Tracy was giving birth to their son, Jake, five months ago, a hospital employee inquired whether she was “married, single, divorced or widowed.”

“I’m in a civil union,” she replied. When the employee checked “single,” Tracy protested. “I’m actually more married than single,” she said, leaving the employee flustered about how to proceed. [...]

For Jean Csvihinka, 48, who works at a bank in Milford, getting a civil union meant paying tax on an additional $6,000 a year. Ms. Csvihinka said that adding her partner, Gina Bonfietti, 43, a self-employed piano technician, to her health insurance obligated her to pay a federal tax on the value of the additional coverage that married couples would not owe, and that since the civil union she has also had to pay tax on her daughters’ coverage even though the girls were on her plan, tax-free, before. She said she was told that “it’s a systems issue.” [...]

Jeffrey Busch, a lawyer who is also a plaintiff in the case, said that he and his partner, Stephen Davis, reluctantly obtained a civil union for the sake of their son, Eli. “It was an awful experience,” Mr. Busch said. “In order to get those rights, we had to make a public declaration of inferiority. [...]

The case turns on whether same-sex couples should be treated as a “suspect class” — groups like minorities and women that have experienced discrimination — which could lead to heightened legal scrutiny of the decision to offer separate institutions. In oral arguments before a Supreme Court panel, the assistant attorney general said the number of “prominent politicians who are openly gay and lesbian” proves that homosexuals are not “politically powerless,” one of the requirements of a suspect class; that caused one justice to quip, “If it were true political power,” they would have already won the right to marry. [...]

And my all time favorite.....

The state also argues that the plaintiffs have no case because they are free to marry, just not to someone of the same sex, and that there is no gender discrimination because men and women are equally constrained. (source)

Wait a minute... we can marry anyone we want as long as they are opposite sex? That's "sanctity of marriage"? I find myself singing that Tina Turner song... "...what's love got to do with it...".

So I was eating lunch on that Monday that all this was happening. I was a bit down because I found myself once again thinking thoughts like... "it's so unfair...", "maybe we should just get the damned civil union...", etc. Then, while sitting in the sandwich shop, there was some news story on the radio about something. I actually don't remember what, but some guy said, "I have to do the best with what I'm allowed." I started thinking about that. Monetarily, we are doing well. I feel second class, but I really started to think about what that man said. And I can do that. I can do the best with what I'm allowed. It's this one thing, and it's really only an issue for me personally because we are in that age group that marriage equality and the kinds of rights marriage offers are important to us for security. Love has little to do with it. Would it enhance the love we have for each other? No. Would it give us a sense of belonging to something besides just ourselves? Yes. I think an acceptance from society of us, together, as a couple, is important. I've come to the conclusion that that was the "hope" that Harvey Milk talked about, coming together as people. Acceptance.

Just my thoughts. But I try these days to protect myself a bit. I expect that the couples challenging will lose the case, and life will go on. If I'm wrong, then I'll celebrate. If I'm not, I haven't invested a lot of emotional weight on the issue. I've stopped caring about it, other than, it's current news happening in the state. The Supreme Court of Connecticut will probably rule that "it's an issue for the legislature", after the shit hit the fan from the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruling for marriage equality. They won't want to be labeled, as that court was, as an "activist court". What ever.

Health wise, we are doing well. Well, kind of. My blood pressure is good now, with a bit of help from medication. Cholesterol could be better. I'm working on that. You know, diet, exercise. It's hard to do with my career choice which is mental and non-physical. I have to go back in three months for blood work again. Oh, and the doctor reminded me that at the end of the year, it's time for that colonoscopy again. Oh Joy!!! The last time that happened, I had two alarms fire off while I had a panic attack before hand (did I say I'm hospital phobic?), which scared the crap out of the nurses so bad that they gave me Demerol to calm me down. It didn't suck. And, the alarms stopped. Something to look forward to.

It's nice to be home again.

I thought I'd share a few photos of our orchid. You have to love orchids to deal with them. All year long you take care of them, and you get nothing. You care for a plant that's really not all that appealing to look at. But then, once a year, it will send up a spray of flowers, and you get this. It makes it all worth it.

We are once again going to Arizona in March to see the folks, and to see some new country. This year, we fly into Phoenix, then drive to the Grand Canyon. We were there in 2005, but I've been wanting to go back since I bought my Nikon D200, and because I think my technique has improved a great deal since then.

After a couple of days there, we head off to Kayenta, Arizona, where we will spend a couple of days touring Monument Valley. We've never been there before, and I'm really looking forward to seeing it.

Then we are off to Sedona, Arizona for a few days to visit with the folks. We were there also in 2005, but we only passed through, with just enough time to take a not-so-close look at the canyon in Sedona (Oak Creek Canyon), which is quite beautiful. It may be a bit different now though, because in 2006 the region was burned by wildfires. We'll see. Either way, it will be interesting to visit again.

It seems like we've gotten nothing done today, but in reality, we booked all the hotels, car rental, and plane flights for the trip. The only thing left is the confirmation back from our pet sitter saying she is available for those dates.

Snow expected tomorrow morning promising a sloppy commute to work. Can't wait!

This morning we talked about the possibility of Huckabee winning. I don't think he has a chance, but then again, I don't put much faith anymore in the wisdom of the American People. If you listen to Huckabee... getting rid of the IRS, all those good old religious family values (which really amounts to political gay bashing)... he will appeal to a great many people. And let's not forget that we haven't even heard from the southern states yet. He may pick up a lot of momentum there. Anyway, at breakfast this morning, we were talking about what it would be like to have Huckabee as President. And all we could think of was... moving to Canada. This is the guy who in 1992 wanted to quarantine people with AIDS. You can read more about it at Pam's House Blend, but it's pretty scary stuff.

I think this next presidential election is probably the most important one I've witnessed in my lifetime.

I had to take a few moments to savor this. This happened just as I turned into my driveway tonight. Enjoy!