Our Family: November 2006 Archives

Thanksgiving is a time of reflection for me. It’s a time that most Americans most likely look upon as a time to kill themselves cooking, eat way too much, then follow-up with the next few days with a combination of watching football and shopping. Most will never once stop to think of all the things that they have to be thankful for.

I know it sounds like a cliché from childhood where we are told in grade school that this is the “time to be thankful of all the things we have”, specifically, material things. When I was a child, the things I was thankful for was trying to get through Thanksgiving without there being some huge family fight originating from my step-father, or one of my siblings. I really had very little in the way of material things. I worked and scraped for everything I ever had. Yes, as a musician, I had to work two summer jobs and after school to be able to afford my violin - my very own violin, not a rental from school.

So to me, Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks to the things you have, because they enrich your life. And to me, it is also a time to give thanks that those who hate us have not been able to gain as much headway in our legal system to marginalize us. I’m thankful that I live in a state that has some hope of affording Kent and me state-sanctioned legal protections through full marriage, and a public recognition through a marriage license that we are more than acquaintances, or “legal strangers” -- that we are a unit, a couple.

I’m thankful that I still have hope that a little less than half my country (23 states) still refuses to demean and diminish what we are in their state constitutions. To us, that means that there are still 23 states in this great free country of ours that we can travel to and visit, without feeling so much that we are giving our money to the devil, just by staying there and spending money. I’m sure the list of 23 states will get smaller over time. But for today, I am hopeful that some Americans do value us just as we are. I am hopeful that when people in those 23 states finally get around to destroying our equality (and they will), that they will see us a people, and as equals, unlike the other 27 states have viewed us.

We are going to Arizona in a few months. Arizona voted down their state amendment that would outlaw marriage equality for gays, and outlaw civil unions as well. It would have made it illegal for any state organization to extend any legal privileges or benefits to people like us. But let’s not think that Arizona is a beacon of light here. It would happily have joined the other states had it not been for the somewhat twisted way this amendment was defeated. It was defeated because advocates for marriage equality convinced 51% of Arizonans that this amendment would also kill the civil arrangements of unmarried heterosexual couples living together as well, if they didn’t enter into “marriage”. The amendment was worded in such a way that it didn’t directly target gay couples as the Colorado Amendment 2 did years ago (which was found unconstitutional by the Supreme Court, specifically because it targeted a single and specific group of people), but everyone knows that the intended target was gay couples. So, the anti-amendment campaign appealed to heterosexual people, telling them that they were about to lose their rights, unless they entered into civil marriage. Arizona already has a law on the books barring gay couples from marriage. We won, but not on the merits of equality.

So, we will go to Arizona because that is where our parents will be. We will spend our money there, but I will keep everything in perspective. I would never live there, along with the other 27 states that have told us loud and clear that if we move to their state, we will be drinking from the black water fountain and sitting in the back of the bus.

So the great migration has begun. People are moving to more hospitable states where their families can have some order of protection and the dignity of recognition.

Last month, of course, New Jersey’s Supreme Court paved the way for giving same-sex partners equal rights, giving lawmakers 180 days to rewrite marriage laws to either include same-sex couples or create a new system of civil unions for them.

This will be a big deal - not just for same-sex couples, but for New Jersey’s economy.

Why? Because, despite some rumblings in Albany, New York is likely to be years away from allowing same-sex marriage or civil unions. That will give Jersey a serious competitive advantage in attracting gay couples and the economic benefits associated with their calling a place home.

A forthcoming study by UCLA’s Williams Institute finds that revenue from weddings and wedding tourism alone (if the Jersey legislature approves marriage, not civil unions) would add nearly $103 million per year in business to the state for at least the next few years.

But the economic impact could go way beyond that. Our research on what makes cities and regions grow shows that urban economic vitality today turns on openness to new ideas, new people and different lifestyles. Artistic, technological and cultural innovators and the more than 40 million workers who are part of what we call “the creative class” are drawn to places that are diverse and tolerant. (source)

I’m thankful that I don’t have to deal with that, for now. And it would be nice if we could achieve equality on it’s merits, and not because it was the fiscally smart thing to do. People use the arguments that marriage equality will “attract the smartest and most creative people.” Is that true? Perhaps, to an extent. But that description also separates us. We are Americans, like everyone else, and we want what everyone else wants, to be treated no better or no worse than anyone else.

Finally, I’m thankful for what I have now. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. It was quiet and relaxed, and just the two of us. We usually go out to dinner, but this year, we decided to cook a full course dinner.

This included a turkey (pictured right), our homemade sausage/chestnut stuffing, sweet potato pumpkin rolls, butternut squash, complimented by my orange cranberry relish and home made turkey gravy. Accompanying this was a rather extraordinary great white burgundy wine, that we happen to have in our basement (pictured left). It was a Louis Latour, 1989 Corton-Charlemagne. There was not a sharp edge on this wine. It had a very buttery finish with a sophisticated after taste. It was simply quite wonderful and completely matched the wonderful food.

For desert, we had pumpkin pie upstairs in front of the TV. It was a nice day. I’ve noticed that when you don’t have a bunch of people coming to dinner, cooking all this food becomes fun and less of a race to a frantic finish line. Somehow, I think that’s what Thanksgiving ought to be.

Read # 1
This from Ellen Goodman, who I enjoy reading on occasion. She had this to say about the Ted Haggard issue.

Haggard’s deception and repulsion are, in some ways, lagging indicators of changing attitudes and science. Thirty years ago, only 13 percent of Americans thought homosexuality was inborn while 56 percent thought it came from the way people were raised. This year, for the first time, more Americans believe that homosexuality is inborn (42 percent) than due to upbringing (37 percent). More gays, more friends, families, co-workers have come to believe that gayness is not a choice, let alone a sin. (source)

Everyone has an opinion of the hypocrisy of people who live double lives. I suppose my feeling is this: do what you want to do with your life. Not a problem, but don’t do harm to others while you are doing it. Think just a bit, before you compare gay men with the likes of pedophiles and murderers, what effect that will have on a 15 year old gay boy who is trying to decide if he has any other option except for suicide. That is what I have against people like Ted Haggard. Hopefully, those kids will find a better role model than that.

On the up side, I thought the statistic was very interesting.

Thirty years ago
13% - homosexuality is inborn
56 % - comes from how you were raised

2006
42% - homosexuality is inborn
37% - comes from how you were raised

Why? Very simple. As Ellen Goodman put it, “More gays, more friends, families, co-workers have come to believe that gayness is not a choice, let alone a sin.” For Ted Haggard’s sake, I hope that he learns that lesson as well.

Read # 2
Give it up Romney, ya loser. Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney held a rally a few days ago to spur folks to vote down marriage equality, AGAIN. It’s political pandering. He’s not running again for Governor and has his eye on the presidency. A Mormon President? I don’t know. I think that may be right up there with having a gay President, as far as the American public is concerned. But I’ve been wrong before. Religion aside, I think he’s too far right for this country right now - especially for the next presidential election two years from now, when we will still be in Iraq. Will the people want a Republican president?

On the up side, the sky has not fallen on Massachusetts since gay marriage has become the law in their state.

Romney’s office yesterday sent packages to the homes of 109 pro-gay marriage lawmakers -- 16 of whom are in the Framingham, Milford, Waltham and Dedham areas -- who recently delayed voting on the measure.

Targeted lawmakers slammed the outgoing GOP governor for trying to appease national voters as he weighs a run for president.

“It’s interesting that he’s putting the full court press on now when I’ve never heard from him on this matter before,” said state Rep. Alice Peisch, D-Wellesley, rejecting Romney’s argument that she and 108 lawmakers violated the constitution.

“If he thinks that I haven’t read the constitution, particularly the part that’s applicable to constitutional conventions, he’s wrong,” Peisch said. “I don’t need him to tell me what the constitution says.” [...]

“I’ve already read the constitution many times and (Romney) does not have a legal leg to stand on,” said state Rep. David Linsky, D-Natick, one of the 109 lawmakers sent copies of the constitution. (source)

Read # 3
I’m not sure I agree with this article. I think all of us feel added stress and feelings of loneliness and isolation over the holidays, especially. We are all going through it. When having these feelings, do what I do, eat chocolate, preferably on chilled strawberries with very good Champagne!

GLBT folk are more likely than their heterosexual counterparts to worry about money, have concerns about their health or admit to feeling lonely. (source)

Read # 4
Syria and Iraq are to restore diplomatic relations, after a break of more than 20 years. Of course they are. Now, they both have an enemy bigger than each other: The United States. I’m so happy that we have less terror in the world now that we have gone into Iraq to destroy those weapons of mass destruction that didn’t exist, and to fight/destroy Iraq where terror came from, except that it didn’t come from there. I know... details. At any rate, I would like to personally thank President George Bush for making the world a much safer place for all of us.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan said on Tuesday the US was trapped in Iraq and had to find the right time to leave without causing even greater chaos.

“The US is in a way trapped in Iraq, trapped in the sense that it cannot stay and it cannot leave,” he said. (source)

Read # 5
And speaking of President Bush, he did make it to Vietnam... FINALLY... just not when the war was going on. He was “busy” at the time. I guess better late than never.

Read # 6
And in Indonesia, where his visit spurred demonstrations, the President said that he welcomes criticism as the hallmark of freedom, “a sign of a healthy society.”

Well, it must not have been that healthy. Because of security concerns, he quickly left Indonesia for a 10 hour plane trip to Hawaii, for his safety. At least, that was CNN’s excuse for the quick departure.

Final thoughts...
I love the seat warmers in my car
I love the Beethoven Violin Concerto
Looking forward to cooking Thanksgiving Dinner, and how very lucky I am to have Kent and my cats in my life. I truly have a wonderful family. I once told Kent that if I were back in college, and had known then how difficult our families would have made it for us, I don’t know if I would have chosen him for my partner. Well, at the time, I was depressed about the last visit from his parents. But then I realized that the problems that our families create for us are not our problems. We are together because of our love for each other, and everything is outside of that. So, I’d like to say that I absolutely feel honored to have Kent as my soul mate, and I’m so very lucky that he’s in my life.