I haven't posted for awhile. The fact is, I've been sick. When you are sick, it's really hard to get motivated about anything. Kent has been gone for the last two and a half weeks to South Africa. I concentrated on work. But the evenings were lonely. Two and a half weeks is longer than you think, especially when you are going to bed at 8:00 every night just completely exhausted.

But I'm feeling a bit better now, and Kent got home last night. So I'm getting life back on track.

There's so many things that I've wanted to write about, but somehow life got in the way. I wanted to write about the hideous message written by The Observer, the student newspaper from Notre Dame University. It was a take off of a really bad and homophobic joke that went something like... "What is the easiest way to turn a fruit into a vegetable? With AIDS." But then the staff decided that it wasn't nice to make fun of a "fatal disease". So they took out the AIDS reference and said, "How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? With a baseball bat."

I've thought about writing about it, but a few things came to mind. One is that I'm really quite amazed that 30 years after AIDS hit the gay community so hard, that it's still considered by some to be funny. Even Bob Hope made jokes about gay people dying of AIDS. I suppose awareness has reached a high by the staff of The Observer, who came to the conclusion that just maybe it's not "ok" to make fun of a "fatal disease".

So, after this was published, all hell broke loose, and the editor of the paper ended up resigning. Fine. Whatever it takes for the Catholic University to save face right? But it's not right. Notre Dame has not yet come out and spoke out against it. Not really. The President of the university made a weak statement, and that was it. The Observer has apologized. You can read more about it here if you'd like.

At any rate, I no longer have the energy or time to waste on worthless people who have nothing else better to do than inflict pain on others.

Then, I read about the win of Scott Brown in Massachusetts to the U.S. Senate. I have mixed feelings about this. First off, the Democrats are solely responsible for this. They've dropped the ball on so many things. It seems that all they can do if fight amongst themselves without solving anything. Meanwhile, Scott Brown wins. The Democrats don't need an enemy. They have one in themselves. The health care issue should have been put to rest six months ago, and the President should be talking about JOBS now.

And here we have Scott Brown, someone who has voted for a state constitutional amendment against same sex marriage in Massachusetts twice, who said that two women who have a child is "not normal", and who has stated that he would be for a national constitutional amendment against gay marriage." The list goes on.

And for all the gay folks who voted for Scott Brown in Massachusetts, I understand you. I'm frustrated too. What I don't understand is how can you vote for someone who would strip you of your rights? I just don't understand that. I understand that there are other issues to attend to and that gay equality is just one of many, but I'm talking about the core of your identity. You can say that it's just one aspect of you. I agree with that. But, will you still be able to say that when it is enshrined in The Constitution of the United States that you are a second class citizen? Something to think about.

The rest of politics mean nothing to me because I realize now that things will go on one way or the other. This country will either rise and become great again (not looking good), or we will become bankrupt and without one shred of principle that The Constitution holds within it. This is quite beyond my control.

So, my days consist of going to work, coming home, spending time with my cats and family, and watching my favorite shows on TV. I know, not very exciting, but I'm just being honest.

I can't wait for Spring to get here.

We took a few days off and went to Washington, D.C. for a few days. We left Hartford on Friday and will leave on Tuesday.

We're having a great time seeing all the sites again, but this time, it's not the first time we've been here, so we can pick and choose our favorite places. Oddly enough, one of my favorite places is Arlington National Cemetery. I know a lot of you are asking, "WHY?". Well, because of my life philosophy. I believe life is a mixture of a lot of things; happy, sad, wonderment, thoughtfulness, hard times and good times, friends, family, birth, and death, and what all of those mean to each person. It's different for everyone.

I know people who go through their entire lives being happy. Just happy. And when something bad happens to them in their lives, as it eventually will, surely God will take care of it. He won't. It's just you and your friends and your family. I'm actually good with that. I'm also good with the fact that they are happy and don't want to explorer anything out of that mystical sphere that they have going on. Good for them!

But everything in my upbringing, my life experiences; the loss of so many of my friends at an early age, so much death in my early years with my family, and this year, confronting the fact that this could have been my last year.... all these things have made me. I own then, whether I like them or not.

So I had no problem going to Arlington to be in the company of men and women who have shaped our nation, with the vast majority of them dying a horrible death alone on some battlefield. I don't talk much when I go there. Silence is for them. And also, I'm somewhat overwhelmed with a mixture of profound sadness; not for them, but for the fact that as a human race, war seems to be necessary for some insane reason. And, I'm grateful for them, that they "gave the last full measure of devotion". And as long as we remember, and people like me remember their sacrifice, they will not have died in vain.

We visited John F. Kennedy's grave site, and just a short walk away was Bobby Kennedy's grave, and just a short walk from that, the same distance, was Senator Edward Kennedy's grave site. It was hard to see that. People were there. No one spoke. Many were crying. I guess that is what we should tap into more. If we did that, perhaps we wouldn't be so cruel to each other as days go by.

Someone remarked online last night, "Why do you think our country isn't free?" I quickly typed that freedom isn't freedom unless every single one of us have the same rights as everyone else. That is the definition of freedom. We don't live in a country shrouded by freedom. We live in a country where the majority have their rights, and others don't. Some people like it that way, obviously. Just look at what happened in Maine last week. But, if that's the way you like our nation to be, don't call that freedom.

This is not what those men and women in Arlington Cemetery died for.

I will be thinking of the people of Maine today. The legislature and Governor passed a bill making marriage equality for gay couples a reality.

Today, the voters show up at the polls to approve or veto that bill. I'm hoping the people of Maine will vote for fairness. I'm hoping they will vote for equality and allow gay couples to marry. I'm hoping they won't strip away the civil rights of a minority because of bias. I'm hoping they will allow gay and lesbian couples to achieve part of the American Dream.

On the ballot, Question 1 reads: "Do you want to reject the new law that lets same-sex couples marry and allows individuals and religious groups to refuse to perform these marriages?" The answer MUST BE, NO.

It amazes me how one single event in a person's life can alter the priority list for that person. We all have priority lists; what is the most important thing to you, and the least important. And between those two extremes, are all the things that we do in our daily lives.

Take me for example. I used to love blogging and talking (bitching) about social issues. I still love blogging when I have time and feel up to it, but social issues have really dropped on my list of priorities. It's not like I'm in a lot of pain anymore, and my progress with my cardiac rehab program is going well. In fact, in the last week, after months of really hard work, I can finally measure that I have a bit more stamina at the end of the day. Today, I see my cardiologist. After that, I will go home, and it's entirely possible that I will feel up to taking a nice long, fast-paced walk after I get home. And all of this after I took my cardiac rehab class this morning, and worked most of the day. A month ago, when I got home after all of that, I would have been wiped out. So, I see progress.

But I've also noticed that what is important to me has shifted. It's as if I'm looking at the world now through different eyes. I'm online less now with the social networks. I suppose I should care about the social issues more. I am an activist after all. But somehow, my heart just isn't in it (no pun intended). I think some of that has to do with our society as a whole right now. We seem much more disconnected with each other and much more withdrawn individually. Perhaps that's because so many of us face a less predictable future with jobs and health care in general. With me, I think it's few things.

First and foremost, I could have died. That was a wake up call to me of all the things I took for granted and just how easily life can go out with the blink of an eye. Life is so fragile. I'm lucky. I have a doctor who picked up on warning signs that many doctors would have missed. Also, so much life can simply be missed by being angry at how society looks at you because of the color of your skin, your sexuality, or any other thing about you that is different. I'm tired of being angry because I don't have that luxury any more. Nor should I. The world will do what the world is going to do whether I like it or not, with or without me.

That being said, I am happy about the hate crimes bill that is now on it's way to the President for his signature. This was years in the making, and even today, there are many in Congress who wanted it to be it's own bill so it would die again. But this time, it's attached to the defense funding bill, and that has many on Capitol Hill bitching and moaning that they are being forced to pass a bill that will collect statistics and add time to sentencing if you beat up or kill a gay, lesbian, or transgendered person. In other words, we are no longer invisible. They now have to acknowledge that hate crimes are actually something that a large part of my community fear and have had to live with for a very long time. I also have hope that progress can be made on Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and the Defense of Marriage Act. Both of them should be abolished, and my hope is that will happen sometime in the next 3 years.

But happen or not, I think about myself and my family now first and foremost. Everything else is gravy. If that makes me a selfish bastard, I can live with that. I've paid my dues and I've done my fair share of marches and protests.

I thought awhile about what to call this entry. I thought "Circle Jerk Politics" would be appropriate, but might offend some. Or maybe "broken promises", or "Obama, just another politician."

I guess it doesn't matter what you call the entry. I've come to this conclusion: politicians are about as useful as pimple on the end of your nose. You can see it, it looks awful, and when you try to treat it, it hurts, but doesn't do anything.

Let's take this speech that President Obama gave to the Human rights campaign fund: On YouTube

Part I
Part 2
Part 3

The President showed up at a dinner sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign Fund, and organization that hasn't been able to get the President to do ONE DAMNED THING for equality.

When the President entered office, he was asked how he was going to handle all the issues he faces. He answered, "I believe that The President ought to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time." So here we are months later. He's managing two wars, health care, and many other issues. This is why I didn't pressure him to deal with our issues immediately. After all, our community has always been a political football used to gain votes when necessary. I was sure this President was different. I knew he wouldn't use us to gain votes for the radical right, but I thought he'd do something, anything, to help us in some way.

He has done NOTHING.

And his campaign had the gall to ask me for money. I simply threw it back in their face.

And then he shows up to a dinner telling us to be more patience. Well, I'm done with the likes of him, Barney Frank, the Human Rights Campaign Fund, and all the rest of the so called "gay rights organizations" who can't seem to get jack shit accomplished. Yes, I will be cancelling my membership to all of them. I pay them to get results, and I see nothing.

The President has said he wants to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell as soon as Congress passes a bill. He's the Commander in Chief. He could do it within hours by this thing called an Executive Order. He alone has the power to enact it, and then tell Congress to catch up. But he won't. Why? Simple. POLITICS. He doesn't want to be seen as being too pro-gay to the right wing whackos that never want brave gay Americans to serve our country in the military. In other words, HE'S USING US.

On hate crimes legislation, it looks as if Congress may pass the first ever hate crimes legislation, and the President said he would sign it. What would the bill do. It would give federal officials the ability to track hate crimes on a national level. I haven't read the bill, so I don't know if extra sentencing time is mandated in the bill, nor do I know if hate crime tracking is mandatory for federal officials. But I do know that Congress did this with little help from this President. Who did the most work on advancing this bill? The late Senator Kennedy.

It will be the same for the Defense of Marriage Act. This President won't lift a finger to overturn it. Yet, during his campaign, he promised to help overturn the law. He said he would do it because, his words, "the law is unconstitutional", meaning, it violates the separation of church and state, targets a specific group of people for special consideration (in this case, the blocking of equality), and violates the 14th Amendment. And when he became President, didn't Obama take an oath to defend and UPHOLD the Constitution of the United States of America?

It would seem that this President can not walk and chew gum at the same time.

In terms of the President talking to the Human Rights Campaign Fund, while they all cheered on his little talking points of inaction; Barney Frank saying that our march for equality was a waste of time and that we would be better off calling our legislators, in light of that, I think this entry should be called "circle jerk politics". In the end we are all supposed to feel better, but nothing was accomplished.

You know what happens when you call your legislator? NOTHING. Someone will answer, you tell them what you believe, and they will tell you, "I'll let the Senator (or Representative) know. Thank you for calling." You then become a mark in a book (maybe). But no one will call you back, until they want money.

Well, I'm done with it, and I'm not going to give one more dime to any of the so called gay rights groups. I'm not going to campaign for another President or legislator. I'm a gay activist. Sometimes, that means making them earn your support. They haven't done that. None of them.

And when Don't Ask Don't Tell is repealed, the hate crimes law is passed, and the Defense of Marriage Act goes down in flames, ALL OF THESE BILLS will be passed because it made someone look good, or money changed hands, or it garnered votes because "now is the time for equality."

Is there ever a time when equality should not see the light of day? Apparently yes; when it won't be popular and no one will gain political points for it.

I received this last week from President Obama, asking me for money to support his "blueprint for America's future". I'm ok with that, other than the fact that I don't see "change" happening. To me, it's business as usual, at least for the LGBT community. That is, we are still ignored and taken for granted.

Aside from the power of my vote, which I exercise and gave to this President, I also have power of my finances and where they go. I'm not a selfish person. Far from it. I am all for helping others. But for decades, my community has received nothing but breadcrumbs. Nothing substantial. I'm really really sick of it. So, this is my message that will be returned to the Democratic National Committee in the postage paid envelope.

I'm tired of being taken for granted. I hope they get the hint, and I hope that some statistic of that gets to President Obama, who has given LGBT folks not even lip service. Where are all those campaign promises he made to OUR COMMUNITY?

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I left the following letter at whitehouse.gov...

Dear President Obama:

Over the last few months, I've become increasingly disappointed in your inability to take action on certain issues concerning equality for gay Americans. I voted for you, Sir. I trusted your word that you wanted real change. And yet, you seem to be just like all the other presidents before you. It's easy to make campaign promises, apparently. It seems to be another issue entirely with following through with them. That is called integrity - something I felt you had. That is why I voted for you.

So today, I'm losing hope in that CHANGE you spoke of; your failure to do anything about Don't Ask, Don't Tell, as very qualified military personnel continue to be drummed out of the service solely because of their sexuality, ON YOUR WATCH, AS YOU DO NOTHING.

And just last week, your Justice Department actually defended the Defense of Marriage Act, an Act that you yourself stated was unconstitutional during your campaign. You had stated that you were going to get rid of DOMA, not defend it. I've been with my partner for 35 years. And when we get married next June, we'd like to be on equal footing with other married couples in this country, at least as far as our federal government is concerned. We can't do that. Not as long as the Defense of Marriage Act stands. Honestly, you were our last hope at seeing equality in our lifetime. How disappointing this has been for us.

I understand that you have "bigger issues" to cover than tending to a small minority of people. But Mr. President, the U.S. Constitution, that you swore to defend, is not being lived up to. We have a minority in this country where it is the day to day business to discriminate against that minority. That should be a huge issue to you. It flies in the face of equal protection, and you do nothing. When are you going to act, if ever? What are you waiting for?

And here's a bit of irony for you. You have vowed to have universal health care for all Americans. So today I read that you were extending the benefits for the partners of gay federal workers, EXCEPT FOR HEALTH CARE. How ironic is that?

We aren't asking for too much. We aren't asking for anything that other people don't already have. We are simply asking for the basic dignity that comes with equality. Of all people, I would have thought you would understand that. As our President, you should be fighting for that.

Sincerely,

Bill Cannon
Connecticut

It's finally done! Connecticut now officially is about to go on record legally as approving that same sex couples be allowed to marry. The legislature yesterday passed a bill, that the Governor has said she will sign into law. It's a done deal.

There was a lot of heated debate over the issue, and a lot of untruths were published. I was pleased to see Senator Andrew McDonald fire back about the hateful ads that were being put out by the Catholic Church.

Sen. Andrew McDonald, D-Stamford, a judiciary committee co-chairman, said the advertising has been "riddled with misinformation." He noted the knights and Family Institute ad claimed schools will be forced to teach gay marriage and parents will have no choice in the matter.

McDonald pointed to the section of state education statutes that specifies students, at the written request of a parent or guardian, shall not be required by local or regional boards of education to participate in "family life education programs."

But McDonald, who is gay, said the state should not allow businesses to discriminate against same-sex couples.

"Could Christian caterers say, 'I refuse to cater a Jewish bar mitzvah because I don't believe in Judaism'? Once you hold yourself out to the public to provide goods or services to the public at large, you cannot discriminate," McDonald said. "That has nothing to do with marriage. It has everything to do with discrimination law in place in Connecticut since 1991. You can't discriminate against anybody based on race, religion, ethnicity or sexual orientation." (source)

And this from Sen. McDonald:

"This legislation was built on the shoulders of committed and loving gay and lesbian couples who cared enough to fight for their right to be seen as equals in the eyes of society as it pertains to the institution of marriage,'' McDonald said. "They never deserved anything less, and I don't expect that the people of Connecticut ever wished them anything less." (source)

I'm proud of a few people who must be recognized: Anne Stanback for her unflinching devotion to this issue; Senator Andrew McDonald and Representative Michael Lawlor who made it possible for this bill to see the light of day; the Connecticut Supreme Court for upholding justice and liberty; and finally, all the many many gay couples in our state who stood up to fight for equality, justice, and happiness. We've earned this day!

Here's the news summary from AP...

HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) -- A decade-long battle for marriage equality in Connecticut ended when the General Assembly voted to update the state's marriage laws to conform with a landmark court ruling allowing gay and lesbian couples to tie the knot. [...]

A spokesman for Gov. M. Jodi Rell said she will sign the bill, which passed 28-7 in the Senate and 100-44 in the House of Representatives late Wednesday, into law. While Rell, a Republican, signed the state's 2005 civil unions law, she has said she believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman.

The bill comes six months after the State Supreme Court ruled 4-3 that same-sex couples have the right to wed in Connecticut, rather than accept the civil union law designed to give them the same rights as married couples.

It redefines marriage in Connecticut as the legal union of two people. State law previously defined marriage as the union of a man and a woman.

Even if the bill hadn't passed, same-sex marriage would still be the law in Connecticut because of the court ruling. Proponents say the legislation is needed to phase out civil unions and make sure same-sex couples conform to the state's marriage laws. [...]

Wednesday's bill also strips language from a 1991 state anti-discrimination law that says Connecticut does not condone "homosexuality or bisexuality or any equivalent lifestyle," require the teaching of homosexuality or bisexuality "as an acceptable lifestyle," set quotas for hiring gay workers or authorize recognition of same-sex marriage.

McDonald, who is openly gay, said the language is outdated and offensive to gays, lesbians and bisexuals. (source)

Crazy world we live in. I thought we invaded Iraq to bring "democracy" to it. And this is what we end up with. I can't say I'm surprised. So, was it worth the lives of our soldiers and all the Iraqis who died in this war, just to end up with this?

It's a rhetorical question. The answer is NO.

BAGHDAD - The bodies of two gay men have been found in Baghdad's Shiite slum of Sadr City after a leading cleric repeatedly condemned homosexuality, an Iraqi police official said Saturday.

The killings come after Shiite cleric Sattar al-Battat repeatedly condemned homosexuality during recent Friday prayers, saying Islam prohibits homosexuality. Homosexual acts are punishable by up to seven years in prison in Iraq.

The two men were believed killed Thursday by relatives who were shamed by their behavior, said the official. Police said they suspected the killings were at the hands of family members because no one has claimed the bodies or called for an investigation. (source)

Defense Secretary Robert Gates said on Fox News Sunday that the Pentagon and the Obama administration can't multitask when it comes to eliminating the ban on gays serving openly in the military.

"I think the President and I feel like we've got a lot on our plates right now and let's push that one down the road a little bit," Gates said, referring to the reversal of the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Fox's Chris Wallace began the question by asking Secretary Gates why money had been included in the Pentagon's 2010 budget to continue enforcing the policy. "Well, it continues to be the law," Gates responded, "and any change in the policy would require a change in the law. We will follow the law whatever it is."

The Government Accountability Office (GAO) estimates that the total cost of discharging and replacing service members fired for being gay was at least $190.5 million from 1994-2003. However, a detailed study by The Palm Center, a University of California-Santa Barbara think tank, put the price tag for the first ten years at $363.8 million. (source)

I thought this was the President who could "walk and chew gum at the same time". But I see Gate's point. When you are talking about debt in the trillions, what's a mere $363.8 million?

I'm sure the tax payers of America won't mind that money is allocated again to end the military careers of talented and brave military personnel who simply fail to lie about their sexual identity or are outed by someone who has a beef with them. We are after all only talk about the professional careers of some queer soldiers.

In the meantime, by all means, let's kick them out. And to pay for this, let's raise taxes more or send a few more people into unemployment. It works for me.

I voted for Obama (not that I had much of a choice). I have trust in him (for now). But there will come a time when my patience will run out. I know he's got a hell of a lot on his plate, but in this day and age, would it be that big of a deal to stop the enforcement of this policy? He has an out on this. He could simply say that because of the economic crisis, we won't be funding this endeavor. He could further prompt the Congress to kill Don't Ask, Don't Tell for these reasons.

And what about the Defense of Marriage Act - and Act that he himself said would be killed by him because it is unconstitutional. That's a bigger step, but I'm anxiously waiting for it. I don't need to be put at the beginning of the line. I just don't want to be conveniently forgotten. I just think it's interesting how these issues are simply put on the back burner. I can wait... for now.

But don't think I will forget about them!