Yes, I'm still around. So many things have been happening that it's all I can do to keep up.

My brother is settled for the time being in Boise at a rehab center at the VA hospital. He was doing ok until a week or so ago when they noticed blot clots that had accumulated in his lungs. So, that was a set-back for him. He had to stop walking and doing his exercises, which is a big problem when you are trying to gain strength back. They were afraid that by walking, one of the clots would discharge and travel somewhere else in his body. This is how people die from blood clots.

Then, I talked to my cousin who said that they were going to release him to go home in a week. That's when I called the hospital to talk to them. After a bit of cutting through the bureaucracy (I'm getting good at that), I talked to his social worker, who coordinates with the doctors when the release will happen. I talked to her about the very obvious (to me at least); What if he falls? How is he going to get groceries when he can't even drive? And if he gets groceries, he's not yet able to cook for himself. Do you realize that he lives alone with very little support? And the best one of all; How on earth can you think of a release date when he has blood clots ANYWHERE? It honestly just amazes me.

She assured me he wouldn't be released until they thought he was ready and that these dates change all the time based on how he's doing from day to day. I understand that, but I told her that for them to even be thinking of a release date when he has blood clots is "crazy. I'm not even a doctor, and I know that much!" I can be emotional at times. But it's really just common sense.

She said they will give him a "life line" to wear. That's one of those necklace devices that you can push if you need help (you will probably know them by "...help!!!  I've fallen and I can't get up!"). Also, they will arrange for someone to come by every other day or so to check in on him and help him with certain things. I'm looking at meals on wheels, or some program like that.

Other than that, things are looking up in other areas. We remodeled his house completely. It's a home makeover, and I mean TOP TO BOTTOM; fixed the roof, new flooring/carpeting, new flat screen TV, and the HD antenna goes up soon, new bed, new bathroom, new paint. If he can live alone, I think he'll be all set. I'm thinking of going out to get him situated if I get enough of a warning. The way the VA works, they will come in one morning and say, "We're letting you go today."

On the home front, I'm doing pretty well. Work has been more stressful lately, and that messes up my body. I just can't take stress anymore. I saw my cardiologist last Thursday, and he's concerned that I'm pushing myself too much, and that I'm feeling so much fatigue in the afternoons-evenings - something that I've learned to live with. I can see his concern, but I don't think he understands the stress levels I'm at. He ordered a blood test, and a stress test - routine things. It's a good thing. I want to know where I'm at now. He said the heart sounds quite strong and normal.

As far as work is concerned, I'm thinking of working it out so I work at home two days a week and go in three days. I think that will cut down on the stress levels. I'll still be online with them and will still have the deadlines, but I won't have people dropping by all the time with their issues that they could just as well schedule out. It's not as good for them, but it's better for me. The only thing I really know is, I'm not going to kill myself for this job.

Wedding day seems set. We are having it on October 15th, which just happens to also be Kent's birthday. Some family members would like to come, and others don't. It's become so complicated on how to handle that, that we are leaning towards a private wedding - just the two of us and maybe a few close friends. After that, we'll probably go down to Mystic Seaport for the weekend, or maybe to Cambridge, MA. We'll choose one of them (as opposed to Maine), because Connecticut and Massachusetts see us as equal, where Maine does not. On this day of all days, that's important to us.

One thing that I have become painfully aware of, is that our wedding is not just a wedding to most people. It is a political statement. No matter how open minded people are, they will always see two men or two women getting married as different. They will see them differently than they would a straight couple. I'm not saying that makes them bad people. I'm saying that for us to expect them to see our wedding as a simple wedding, is a reach. Maybe in 50-100 years that will happen, but not now. I'm ok with that. It is what it is, and it takes people time to change, perhaps it takes a generation who grow up with it, that much time to change.

I bought a Wii today. I'm not so interested in the games, although I may try some of the exercise routines it offers. I've noticed lately that when I go to my Netflix queue, more and more movies offer "View Instantly", as opposed to waiting to get the CD to arrive in the mail. And the Wii makes that happen. It talks to Netflix apparently and you can do it all right from there if you have the Netflix disc (waiting for it to arrive). I'm very much into instant gratification and if I can just press a button on my TV screen and watch the movie, well, that's just cool!

I woke up this morning to absolute silence. Windows were open and this soft morning air was filling the room. I moved a bit, waking my cat up who was sleeping at the foot of the bed. She just had to come snuggle with me for a bit. It's nice to be loved. But, in the case of a cat, her motives were probably more about looking for a warm place to stay for a bit.

Kent was out on the deck with his computer. I get dressed, go downstairs and brew myself a cup of coffee. I go outside just to chill out with him. No sounds except for the birds in the trees and the bumble bees that are hard at work gathering pollen from our 12 foot high rhododendrons. It doesn't take a village to pollinate rhododendrons, just a hell of a lot of bumble bees. They are gentle creatures and as I close my eyes and listen to the sounds of their wings, we coexist with each other while the sounds of their wings is distinctively G major. I love that key. But wouldn't you think smaller bees would create a higher pitched key? I know.... the world is going crazy and I'm consumed with the pitch of bee wings.

The symphony concert last night was ok, but somewhat of an odd program. Stravinsky's Firebird suite was well performed. The first half of the concert was distracting. Directly behind us, two people were constantly talking. The guy was trying to impress his female companion. He would say things like, "...see the kind of tickets I can buy? Just don't tell my boss how I got them or I would be fired. Yup... they got the tempo right." I'm thinking, "Wow, he can use big words like 'tempo'. Yeah, I'd go to bed with him for that." It was constant. And I could hear what could only be mistaken for the sounds of French kissing and fondling. I kept wondering if the real show was behind me, and I was missing out. After all, how often does one get to listen to Ives, AND see sex at the same time? I'm into life is about experiences thing. Well, this was one of those things.

Then, intermission. They left. Kent wrote a message on their chairs that read, "Please don't talk during the performance." But others were just down right peeved. They turned to me and said, "It was distracting to us, but we can't imagine what it was like for you." Another one spoke up and said, "The real show was back here! They were doing...". I said, "I know. I could hear them and felt totally left out." After intermission, they were gone. And here I thought that the since the Connecticut Opera went out of business, there would be no more drama at the theater.

Remind me never to go to Malawi. It's not that I would ever go there anyway, but it's just a reminder that much of the world is very unsafe for Americans, and even more unsafe for gay people. These two men were sentenced to 14 years of hard labor. Their crime? They dared to have a commitment ceremony for the love they have for each other, just as Kent and I will have this Fall. Scary stuff. Before going to a foreign country, I always check this out.

You ever notice that during the time of elections, all the Republicans seems to be able to offer is a good round of gay bashing? This from Iowa, the last state to allow marriage equality.

At a time where so many people are looking for work, our government has it's priorities straight, as usual. In examining how the troops feel about lifting the ban on Don't Ask, Don't Tell, the policy that kicks gay troops out of the military if they are found to be homosexual, the government has contracted with Westat, a Maryland research firm, so that they can ask gay troops how they feel about the policy. But the problem is, they can still be dismissed for even acknowledging to this contractor that they are gay. It's just a big waste of tax dollars on a stupid policy. It's time to end this damn policy.

I guess that's it. Politics are not my thing anymore because you can't do anything about stupid people with stupid ideas. All you can do is make frittatas. That's for breakfast this morning. We got all ready to make it. The only problem is, Kent got all the ingredients for the frittata, except for eggs. We seem to do this more and more now. At least, we still laugh about it.

This, and this...

"I think getting heckled is nothing compared to getting kicked out of the military and losing your job and getting fired simply because you're gay, because there's no federal protection, or getting denied Social Security benefits because the administration has made no effort to repeal DOMA [the Defense of Marriage Act] and has actually defended it in court," said Equality California Executive Director Geoff Kors. Kors said he didn't know the protest was going to take place. (source)

I can't find the words for this, but I'm hoping this won't be our future...

Friday is "bagel day" for us. Every single Friday, when Kent is home, we will go for bagels at Charlies.

On my way to Charlies, I was listening to the radio where they were interviewing Carol Burnett of all people. She's elderly now, but I grew up with her, watching her show each week. You never knew what was going to happen. She's genuinely a person who has seen a lot. She talked about her daughter who was in rehab at age 18 who had gotten herself clean, sober, and drug free. And, at the age of 38, her daughter succumbed to cancer.

Carol said that the nurses were always uplifted by being around her daughter. One of them asked her daughter how she was able to be so upbeat all the time.

"Everyday I wake up, I make a decision to love my life."

That's all. That was her attitude. When Carol mentioned that her daughter, bald head and all from all the chemotherapy, didn't mind going to the hospital, her daughter said that she loved returning to the hospital because the food was so fabulous.

You have to have a sense of humor about it all. I've come to look at life a lot like that. Perhaps being faced with serious medical issues forces one to look at life in a completely different way. I no longer let work run my life. It does stress me out a bit, but I try to make room for things I enjoy.

I've also stopped writing about political issues because quite frankly, they are a drag to write about when things are so bleak for the rights of gay couples. So many states have constitutional amendments against allowing marriage equality for gay couples. I've written about this at length. And even having all the legal papers is no guarantee that your relationship will be honored.

Langbehn not only had the three children she adopted with Pond with her at the Florida hospital, but she also carried with her a power of attorney and other legal documents to show that they were a couple.

Langbehn was told by the hospital publicist that she was in an anti-gay state, and was forced to wait for eight hours in the waiting room. (source)

It appears that President Obama has made a rule change that will make these sorts of things change. Same sex partners will now be able to make medical decisions on behalf of their partners, if the hospital participates in Medicare or Medicaid. That covers just about every hospital in the country. This is huge. This is one of the things marriage covers, and it is one of the many reasons that we have decided to get married this Fall.

Finally, the big reason I stopped talking so much about politics is simply that the movement for equality has taken on a life of it's own, and a lot of that has do to with lawsuits, more people coming out to their family and friends, and bloggers who relentlessly point out the inequalities in our nation.

This is one big step towards equality. One thing leads to another. This removes one brick in the foundation of intolerance and bigotry. We will accomplish this one brick at a time, until the whole thing comes falling to the ground. And when that happens, the states will be forced to follow the full faith and credit clause of the U.S. Constitution. That's right Idaho... if my marriage is valid in Connecticut, YOU MUST HONOR IT, or secede from The Union.

Either one works for me.

I haven't posted for awhile. The fact is, I've been sick. When you are sick, it's really hard to get motivated about anything. Kent has been gone for the last two and a half weeks to South Africa. I concentrated on work. But the evenings were lonely. Two and a half weeks is longer than you think, especially when you are going to bed at 8:00 every night just completely exhausted.

But I'm feeling a bit better now, and Kent got home last night. So I'm getting life back on track.

There's so many things that I've wanted to write about, but somehow life got in the way. I wanted to write about the hideous message written by The Observer, the student newspaper from Notre Dame University. It was a take off of a really bad and homophobic joke that went something like... "What is the easiest way to turn a fruit into a vegetable? With AIDS." But then the staff decided that it wasn't nice to make fun of a "fatal disease". So they took out the AIDS reference and said, "How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? With a baseball bat."

I've thought about writing about it, but a few things came to mind. One is that I'm really quite amazed that 30 years after AIDS hit the gay community so hard, that it's still considered by some to be funny. Even Bob Hope made jokes about gay people dying of AIDS. I suppose awareness has reached a high by the staff of The Observer, who came to the conclusion that just maybe it's not "ok" to make fun of a "fatal disease".

So, after this was published, all hell broke loose, and the editor of the paper ended up resigning. Fine. Whatever it takes for the Catholic University to save face right? But it's not right. Notre Dame has not yet come out and spoke out against it. Not really. The President of the university made a weak statement, and that was it. The Observer has apologized. You can read more about it here if you'd like.

At any rate, I no longer have the energy or time to waste on worthless people who have nothing else better to do than inflict pain on others.

Then, I read about the win of Scott Brown in Massachusetts to the U.S. Senate. I have mixed feelings about this. First off, the Democrats are solely responsible for this. They've dropped the ball on so many things. It seems that all they can do if fight amongst themselves without solving anything. Meanwhile, Scott Brown wins. The Democrats don't need an enemy. They have one in themselves. The health care issue should have been put to rest six months ago, and the President should be talking about JOBS now.

And here we have Scott Brown, someone who has voted for a state constitutional amendment against same sex marriage in Massachusetts twice, who said that two women who have a child is "not normal", and who has stated that he would be for a national constitutional amendment against gay marriage." The list goes on.

And for all the gay folks who voted for Scott Brown in Massachusetts, I understand you. I'm frustrated too. What I don't understand is how can you vote for someone who would strip you of your rights? I just don't understand that. I understand that there are other issues to attend to and that gay equality is just one of many, but I'm talking about the core of your identity. You can say that it's just one aspect of you. I agree with that. But, will you still be able to say that when it is enshrined in The Constitution of the United States that you are a second class citizen? Something to think about.

The rest of politics mean nothing to me because I realize now that things will go on one way or the other. This country will either rise and become great again (not looking good), or we will become bankrupt and without one shred of principle that The Constitution holds within it. This is quite beyond my control.

So, my days consist of going to work, coming home, spending time with my cats and family, and watching my favorite shows on TV. I know, not very exciting, but I'm just being honest.

I can't wait for Spring to get here.

We took a few days off and went to Washington, D.C. for a few days. We left Hartford on Friday and will leave on Tuesday.

We're having a great time seeing all the sites again, but this time, it's not the first time we've been here, so we can pick and choose our favorite places. Oddly enough, one of my favorite places is Arlington National Cemetery. I know a lot of you are asking, "WHY?". Well, because of my life philosophy. I believe life is a mixture of a lot of things; happy, sad, wonderment, thoughtfulness, hard times and good times, friends, family, birth, and death, and what all of those mean to each person. It's different for everyone.

I know people who go through their entire lives being happy. Just happy. And when something bad happens to them in their lives, as it eventually will, surely God will take care of it. He won't. It's just you and your friends and your family. I'm actually good with that. I'm also good with the fact that they are happy and don't want to explorer anything out of that mystical sphere that they have going on. Good for them!

But everything in my upbringing, my life experiences; the loss of so many of my friends at an early age, so much death in my early years with my family, and this year, confronting the fact that this could have been my last year.... all these things have made me. I own then, whether I like them or not.

So I had no problem going to Arlington to be in the company of men and women who have shaped our nation, with the vast majority of them dying a horrible death alone on some battlefield. I don't talk much when I go there. Silence is for them. And also, I'm somewhat overwhelmed with a mixture of profound sadness; not for them, but for the fact that as a human race, war seems to be necessary for some insane reason. And, I'm grateful for them, that they "gave the last full measure of devotion". And as long as we remember, and people like me remember their sacrifice, they will not have died in vain.

We visited John F. Kennedy's grave site, and just a short walk away was Bobby Kennedy's grave, and just a short walk from that, the same distance, was Senator Edward Kennedy's grave site. It was hard to see that. People were there. No one spoke. Many were crying. I guess that is what we should tap into more. If we did that, perhaps we wouldn't be so cruel to each other as days go by.

Someone remarked online last night, "Why do you think our country isn't free?" I quickly typed that freedom isn't freedom unless every single one of us have the same rights as everyone else. That is the definition of freedom. We don't live in a country shrouded by freedom. We live in a country where the majority have their rights, and others don't. Some people like it that way, obviously. Just look at what happened in Maine last week. But, if that's the way you like our nation to be, don't call that freedom.

This is not what those men and women in Arlington Cemetery died for.

I will be thinking of the people of Maine today. The legislature and Governor passed a bill making marriage equality for gay couples a reality.

Today, the voters show up at the polls to approve or veto that bill. I'm hoping the people of Maine will vote for fairness. I'm hoping they will vote for equality and allow gay couples to marry. I'm hoping they won't strip away the civil rights of a minority because of bias. I'm hoping they will allow gay and lesbian couples to achieve part of the American Dream.

On the ballot, Question 1 reads: "Do you want to reject the new law that lets same-sex couples marry and allows individuals and religious groups to refuse to perform these marriages?" The answer MUST BE, NO.

It amazes me how one single event in a person's life can alter the priority list for that person. We all have priority lists; what is the most important thing to you, and the least important. And between those two extremes, are all the things that we do in our daily lives.

Take me for example. I used to love blogging and talking (bitching) about social issues. I still love blogging when I have time and feel up to it, but social issues have really dropped on my list of priorities. It's not like I'm in a lot of pain anymore, and my progress with my cardiac rehab program is going well. In fact, in the last week, after months of really hard work, I can finally measure that I have a bit more stamina at the end of the day. Today, I see my cardiologist. After that, I will go home, and it's entirely possible that I will feel up to taking a nice long, fast-paced walk after I get home. And all of this after I took my cardiac rehab class this morning, and worked most of the day. A month ago, when I got home after all of that, I would have been wiped out. So, I see progress.

But I've also noticed that what is important to me has shifted. It's as if I'm looking at the world now through different eyes. I'm online less now with the social networks. I suppose I should care about the social issues more. I am an activist after all. But somehow, my heart just isn't in it (no pun intended). I think some of that has to do with our society as a whole right now. We seem much more disconnected with each other and much more withdrawn individually. Perhaps that's because so many of us face a less predictable future with jobs and health care in general. With me, I think it's few things.

First and foremost, I could have died. That was a wake up call to me of all the things I took for granted and just how easily life can go out with the blink of an eye. Life is so fragile. I'm lucky. I have a doctor who picked up on warning signs that many doctors would have missed. Also, so much life can simply be missed by being angry at how society looks at you because of the color of your skin, your sexuality, or any other thing about you that is different. I'm tired of being angry because I don't have that luxury any more. Nor should I. The world will do what the world is going to do whether I like it or not, with or without me.

That being said, I am happy about the hate crimes bill that is now on it's way to the President for his signature. This was years in the making, and even today, there are many in Congress who wanted it to be it's own bill so it would die again. But this time, it's attached to the defense funding bill, and that has many on Capitol Hill bitching and moaning that they are being forced to pass a bill that will collect statistics and add time to sentencing if you beat up or kill a gay, lesbian, or transgendered person. In other words, we are no longer invisible. They now have to acknowledge that hate crimes are actually something that a large part of my community fear and have had to live with for a very long time. I also have hope that progress can be made on Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and the Defense of Marriage Act. Both of them should be abolished, and my hope is that will happen sometime in the next 3 years.

But happen or not, I think about myself and my family now first and foremost. Everything else is gravy. If that makes me a selfish bastard, I can live with that. I've paid my dues and I've done my fair share of marches and protests.

I thought awhile about what to call this entry. I thought "Circle Jerk Politics" would be appropriate, but might offend some. Or maybe "broken promises", or "Obama, just another politician."

I guess it doesn't matter what you call the entry. I've come to this conclusion: politicians are about as useful as pimple on the end of your nose. You can see it, it looks awful, and when you try to treat it, it hurts, but doesn't do anything.

Let's take this speech that President Obama gave to the Human rights campaign fund: On YouTube

Part I
Part 2
Part 3

The President showed up at a dinner sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign Fund, and organization that hasn't been able to get the President to do ONE DAMNED THING for equality.

When the President entered office, he was asked how he was going to handle all the issues he faces. He answered, "I believe that The President ought to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time." So here we are months later. He's managing two wars, health care, and many other issues. This is why I didn't pressure him to deal with our issues immediately. After all, our community has always been a political football used to gain votes when necessary. I was sure this President was different. I knew he wouldn't use us to gain votes for the radical right, but I thought he'd do something, anything, to help us in some way.

He has done NOTHING.

And his campaign had the gall to ask me for money. I simply threw it back in their face.

And then he shows up to a dinner telling us to be more patience. Well, I'm done with the likes of him, Barney Frank, the Human Rights Campaign Fund, and all the rest of the so called "gay rights organizations" who can't seem to get jack shit accomplished. Yes, I will be cancelling my membership to all of them. I pay them to get results, and I see nothing.

The President has said he wants to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell as soon as Congress passes a bill. He's the Commander in Chief. He could do it within hours by this thing called an Executive Order. He alone has the power to enact it, and then tell Congress to catch up. But he won't. Why? Simple. POLITICS. He doesn't want to be seen as being too pro-gay to the right wing whackos that never want brave gay Americans to serve our country in the military. In other words, HE'S USING US.

On hate crimes legislation, it looks as if Congress may pass the first ever hate crimes legislation, and the President said he would sign it. What would the bill do. It would give federal officials the ability to track hate crimes on a national level. I haven't read the bill, so I don't know if extra sentencing time is mandated in the bill, nor do I know if hate crime tracking is mandatory for federal officials. But I do know that Congress did this with little help from this President. Who did the most work on advancing this bill? The late Senator Kennedy.

It will be the same for the Defense of Marriage Act. This President won't lift a finger to overturn it. Yet, during his campaign, he promised to help overturn the law. He said he would do it because, his words, "the law is unconstitutional", meaning, it violates the separation of church and state, targets a specific group of people for special consideration (in this case, the blocking of equality), and violates the 14th Amendment. And when he became President, didn't Obama take an oath to defend and UPHOLD the Constitution of the United States of America?

It would seem that this President can not walk and chew gum at the same time.

In terms of the President talking to the Human Rights Campaign Fund, while they all cheered on his little talking points of inaction; Barney Frank saying that our march for equality was a waste of time and that we would be better off calling our legislators, in light of that, I think this entry should be called "circle jerk politics". In the end we are all supposed to feel better, but nothing was accomplished.

You know what happens when you call your legislator? NOTHING. Someone will answer, you tell them what you believe, and they will tell you, "I'll let the Senator (or Representative) know. Thank you for calling." You then become a mark in a book (maybe). But no one will call you back, until they want money.

Well, I'm done with it, and I'm not going to give one more dime to any of the so called gay rights groups. I'm not going to campaign for another President or legislator. I'm a gay activist. Sometimes, that means making them earn your support. They haven't done that. None of them.

And when Don't Ask Don't Tell is repealed, the hate crimes law is passed, and the Defense of Marriage Act goes down in flames, ALL OF THESE BILLS will be passed because it made someone look good, or money changed hands, or it garnered votes because "now is the time for equality."

Is there ever a time when equality should not see the light of day? Apparently yes; when it won't be popular and no one will gain political points for it.