In an email I received today at 12:39p.m. today...

The Connecticut Supreme Court has ruled in favor of gay and lesbian couples seeking marriage equality under state law! This is obviously a historic and long-awaited day. It's time to celebrate, and to congratulate the courageous couples who brought this case, as well as Love Makes a Family and GLAD, on this incredible victory.

Please come to the state capitol in Hartford for a victory rally at 5:30 p.m. at the north steps of the Capitol, facing Bushnell Park (additional directions below). If you can, please make a sign, and bring your friends, family and a camera.

There will also be a victory party at 7:00 p.m. after the rally. The party will be hosted by LMF and GLAD at the Hilton Hotel in Hartford (315 Trumbull Street). More details will be available at the rally.

I went to that rally and let me tell you, it was electric. I wish Kent could have been there with me but it was a rather long drive for him. For me, I work in East Hartford so it's just across the river. It was somewhat surreal. I honestly thought that we were years away because the legislature was talking that maybe next year they would take it up.

The case came before the Connecticut Supreme Court because of a challenge to the State's civil union law. The court stated in a 4-3 decision that civil unions were not the same as a marriage, and did not hold the same position in society. In essence, there was no compelling reason why we should not be able to be married. The Court sided against the civil union law, and their ruling goes into effect on October 28.

A sharply divided Connecticut Supreme Court ruled Friday that gay couples have the right to get married, saying legislators did not go far enough when they approved same-sex civil unions that were identical to marriages in virtually every respect except the name.

The 4-3 ruling will make Connecticut the third state, behind Massachusetts and California, to allow same-sex marriages, decisions that in all cases were made by the highest state court. The decision marks the first time that a court rejected civil unions as an alternative to granting gay couples the right to marry. [...]

"The Supreme Court has spoken," said Gov. M. Jodi Rell, a Republican who opposes same-sex marriage. "I do not believe their voice reflects the majority of the people of Connecticut. However, I am also firmly convinced that attempts to reverse this decision -- either legislatively or by amending the state Constitution -- will not meet with success."

Same-sex weddings are expected to begin in Connecticut in less than a month. Out-of-staters will be eligible, but few other states are likely to recognize the unions. (source)

Kent wrote me an email at 2:34p.m. The subject was, "Hartford Courant - High Court Grants Gay Marriage Rights". Here were the contents of the email.

Bill,

I just got back from about 4 hours of meetings, and I saw a news alert from the New York Times just before I saw your e-mail. I never thought I'd live to see the day when I could ask

Will you marry me?

Kent

I think I may say, "yes", but don't tell Kent. Wow. I guess our 33 years of dating may be coming to an end in the near future. What a day!

I just returned last night from Idaho. It was an interesting, exciting, exhausting, happy, sad, regretful, time for me. That's the thing about going back to Idaho. It's not that I don't want to go. Some of my very best friends are there, and I love them very dearly. I've come to realize that I have so much baggage from my past, that it's honestly difficult for me to keep my emotional balance when I'm confronted with so many things all at once that are connected to the past, especially when so many of the things associated with my past are very negative. I think what made this trip difficult was the fact that so much was crammed into two days. Then, I left Idaho for Connecticut, and Kent left Idaho for Washington, D.C. Yesterday, and last night, I was left to myself with my thoughts.

First, I visited with my brother. We've grown closer over the years, but we both know that, despite the fact that we spent the first part of our lives together, that's pretty much all we have in common. I consider myself fairly cultured and I try to be intelligent in my thinking, to the extent that my mind will allow me to be. I take pride in knowing more, reading, listening to new music, finding new things in old music... In essence, I am everything that my brother is not. He hates culture and finds it snooty, or fake. This is perhaps the single biggest thing that has driven us apart over the years. But for the last ten years, we have both made an attempt to get closer. It's awkward. I visit him, but what to talk about? We spend all of our time talking about the three conversations that we've talked about over the last ten years; how our family doesn't care about other parts of the family, how messed up politics are, and our sister, Jeannie, and how she hates my guts. Always the same. We both know this, yet, we go through the exercise of doing it yet again. I'm fine with that, but I realize that there's really no place else to go. I'm there for him, but we are from completely different cultures. You know, I used to be a concert violinist. And yet, my brother has never once heard me play.

USED TO BE are the operative words. I am no more. Mentally, I'm there. Physically, it's gone. I took my gift for granted, and for political reasons, discarded it. I heard the beat of a different drummer, and I went with it. And years later, when I wanted it back, I had the audacity to think that it would still be there, waiting for me, when I was ready to pick up the violin and try to play again. I can't. My body has changed in the last twenty years and it no longer has the dexterity required to play Paganini. And perhaps what hurts the worst for me are the very last words that my mentor, Walter Cerveny, said to me. He looked at me and said, with a great deal of disappointment, "You aren't doing anything with it, are you Bill?" He then turned around and walked away as if to dismiss me entirely as a non-person. He was right and now he's gone.

We went to Idaho to accept an award that was being presented to Kent. It was wonderful to see our friends again. It's difficult for me to be on campus because everywhere I look, I see ghosts. The hour before the awards ceremony, Kent went to meet with a former professor. I took the time to stroll over to the performing arts center. It was locked up, except for one door that was ajar. I went in and simply looked at the plaques on the wall of the people I had studied with half a lifetime ago - those who had shaped my young life. I realized that there would be no way for me to make them proud of me. There would be no one cheering for me. There would be no award. I threw it away long ago.

So my place is now to be in the shadows where lesser men belong. That sounds so very negative, but it's how I feel. I have no colleagues to share my triumphs with, because I have no triumphs. I live a simple life, in the shadows of others. I have done good deeds in my time. I have. I have done much to help those who are suffering, most of the time at my own expense. As I've said many times, I've tried to be the example, as my mother used to tell me, for others. But I was never the example for myself. I put others ahead of me, every single time. I still do.

The awards ceremony was nice. There were an handful of people accepting awards, and Kent was one of them. And when he spoke, he was eloquent, not long winded, and witty. And at the end, he thanked his friends, his family, and me, his "life partner." I was uncomfortable with that because of the conservative crowd. I'm sure most in the audience voted for the Idaho marriage amendment to prevent gay couples from having anything, legally speaking. So when he mentioned me, they were presented with a real life gay couple. When he said that, I thought to myself, "...the stones will start flying soon...", and felt like there was a spotlight on me. It's more of my baggage that I have these feelings, but I can justify those feelings. Throwing away my career is harder to explain away, except that it was the only way to stay with Kent. A career for me would have been leaving the college and going to New York to study at Julliard, an offer that was extended to me. That would have most likely ended our relationship. Kent was, to me, very courageous. He wouldn't admit that, but standing up in front of your family, and people that your family knows and went to school with, and giving credit to his "life partner" was an act of courage in Idaho. Aside from the discomfort of all of this, I was proud of him.

We left the college, went back to our motel, and said goodbye to our folks. We took separate flights the next morning. On the way home, I couldn't listen to anything that would cheer me up. And last night was a total downer. I do realize that a lot of this is fatigue, but I also know that being tired can bring true emotions and feelings to the surface, and those feelings are real and honest.

Those feelings were about my net worth. What am I worth? As a musician, nothing. As a compassionate human being, I'm solid. As a musicologist, I have a keen mind that borders on brilliant. I never forget how an artist made magic out of a single phrase. I never forget themes, execution of a part, opus numbers, how Vladimir Horowitz played Scriabin's Op, 8 no. 12 etude, Scarlatti and the Chopin Ballade 1 in his 1965 Carnegie Hall performance... everything is kept neatly cataloged. I joke with people who know me that my mind is just full of useless information.

So what is my net worth? I don't know. Life is a path. I find it amusing that at one time I had musical colleagues asking me how or why I came to a certain artistic conclusion on why I performed a phrase in a certain way. I had such unbelievably raw passion. It's hard now for me to understand why I let that go. Certainly, a regret.

So, it would seem that I took the path less traveled. As Robert Frost wrote,

Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

It did make a difference, but I'll never know if it made the right difference. I honestly no longer know what I'm about. I go to work. I make good money, for whatever money is worth, but my work holds no passion for me. I seem to have been part of two worlds; my past, and the present. As long as I keep the past in the past, I'm fine. When I try to bring a part of my past to the present, it's a problem and whenever I bring the ghosts of the past to the present, it causes me anguish.

I was going to write today about my recent trip to Idaho and my observations on visiting there. But this day is a sad anniversary of what happened ten years ago to Matthew Shepard. It's more fitting and proper that he be remembered.

You know, I feel bad for Sarah Palin. Understand, I'm sure that she really has no use for gay people. Hell, she probably has little use for people who are "different" in any way. I am trying not to stereotype people in an isolated state such as Alaska. And I really should give people in states that I would call "backwards" the benefit of the doubt. But quite honestly, it has been my experience that people who spend their entire lives in isolated areas are very bigoted and narrow minded in their views. They don't like "different" and they are threatened by anyone not like them.

A lot has been written about Palin of course. One of the most absurd things to come out is how "gay friendly" she is. She vetoed a bill that would have stripped health benefits from the spouses of state employed gay couples. So I hear stories about how open minded and fair she is because, according to her, she has lots of "gay friends". But if you dig deeper into the story, you find out what really happened. The state supreme court ruled that the bill was unconstitutional under state law because it singled out a specific group. So it's true that Palin did in fact veto the bill, after the state attorney general informed her that the bill was unconstitutional. She then turned around when it was convenient (such as now) to show how fair she can be by vetoing an unfair bill, when in fact she had no choice in the matter.

But beyond all of that, I honestly have no interest in seeing this woman disgraced and humiliated because she happened to be asked by John McCain to be Vice President. After all, I'm absolutely certain that the woman had no clue about what she was in for, and how her life would be torn upside down by the media. And now, with politicians of the past saying anything and everything to get elected, today there are fact finders who check out everything you say to validate how truthful the statements are.

The Vice Presidential debate next Thursday could be painful to watch. My hope is that Joe Biden will say what needs to be said, but not chew her up and spit her out. I don't think it's necessary for that to happen to make the point that this candidate is way over her head. Even McCain's camp is worried about her.

Capitol Hill sources are telling me that senior McCain people are more than concerned about Palin.

The campaign has held a mock debate and a mock press conference; both are being described as "disastrous." One senior McCain aide was quoted as saying, "What are we going to do?" The McCain people want to move this first debate to some later, undetermined date, possibly never. People on the inside are saying the Alaska Governor is "clueless." (source)

Rather sad really. I have a feeling that they are just going to abandon her. A good thing for the Obama/Biden ticket, and it shows a complete lack of judgement on John McCain's part. But I will go away with a rather empty feeling after it's all said and done. I suppose that's politics.

I watched the first presidential debate last night on TV. Kent was tired so he went to bed early. No worry, I recorded it and he is watching the debate now.

A few of my thoughts on the debate, in no particular order......

1) McCain needs to stop smiling so much because he's got this grimace that comes through his smile. It's as if he's smiling to keep from tearing someones head off.

2) Am I the only one who hears George W. Bush talk when McCain keeps on rehashing the same old crap that we've lived with for the last 8 years under President Moron Bush?

3) Obama is full of new ideas that excite me. He talks about ... us. McCain talks about OIL and OIL companies. News flash! If we don't turn our dependency on oil around, the future of this country (and the planet) are doomed.

4) Don't wear a striped tie on television. It's very distracting because the cameras don't render it well. I spent half the time looking at the stripes on McCain's tie and how the microphone kept moving across the stripes in his tie.

5) Obama had a lovely crimson colored waffle print tie.

6) "Tom... er... John mentioned me being wildly liberal. Mostly that's just me opposing the wrong headed views of George W. Bush Administration." - Barack Obama

7) Obama totally held his own on foreign policy against McCain (McCain's strong suit).

I thought the polling data presented after the debate was very interesting. From a sample of uncommitted voters, after the debate, 46% had a better opinion of Barack Obama than they did before the debate!

Can't wait for the Vice Presidential debate. Now that will be interesting.

Yes I know... Fall isn't here yet. But today feels like Fall, with it's 50-60ish degree days. And there's this fall feel in the air. Everything is crisp. The afternoon sun finds it's way through the trees in the forest to bath the chrysanthemums on my porch. They are in full bloom now. The "homeless" neighborhood cat, Justin....

...comes by daily (from his home down the street), to tell us how hungry he is, so that we will give him sliced turkey feast with gravy, with a bit of fresh cream to wash it all down with. Shameless, but I have a soft heart for creatures it seems. I even leave food out for raccoons, birds, opossum, and the like. You never know who's going to stop by.

Mom just left after spending a few days with us. We had a good time. We took her to see Gillette Castle, and had a nice picnic lunch out at Mashapaug Pond. She went back to Idaho last Wednesday.

We are getting ready to go back out to Idaho the first part of October. Kent is being presented with an award from the college we both went to, where we met 33 years ago. We went to The College of Idaho. I'd like to say that it was a friendly and inviting place for gays, but it wasn't. There was a lot of homophobia at the time. And of course, there still is in Idaho in general. But there are places of light in Idaho, such as Boise, where it's more ok to be different. Keep in mind, in many places in Idaho, it would still be very difficult to be a person of color. It would also be rather dreary and dreadful for a gay person to live in Idaho now if they didn't live in Boise. That's just my opinion and the opinion of a few gay people now living in Idaho.

So, I was honestly surprised when I RSVP'd to the college to be at the presentation dinner for Kent. I asked them where I should send my check for the awards dinner, and the lady on the other end told me. I hung up, and 10 minutes later, she was calling me back, after speaking with the Alumni Director, to tell me that since I was "coming with Kent" (couldn't bring themselves to say "partner" or "spouse"), that there would be no charge for me because I'm a "CO". I said, "Hummm, ok. Well, I guess that's a good thing." I'm thinking to myself, "What the hell is a CO?" Perhaps "cohabitating other"? She was very clearly uncomfortable having this conversation, so I simply let her off the hook and said that I understood what she was trying to say. So in some sense, the college we went to is trying in their own way to give us the dignity of being a couple, without coming out and saying it. I guess that's progress... kind of... sort of. Of course, I have no idea what Kent will say when he gets up to speak. That's up to him.

I think it's also progress that Mom told me that she called the college to tell them that if they didn't pick up my tab for me, that they would (both hotel and the cost of the dinner). People are trying, but damn it, it would be nice if the college and our folks didn't have to go through these hoops to reconcile this with their sensibilities, without it looking like Kent and I have something, and more to the point, that they are enlightened. I know their intentions are good, but I go away feeling patronized and being something that, unfortunately, is something (me) that has to be worked around so they can have this event. It's honestly not a very positive feeling. And this is all probably happening so much behind the scenes so that the college (and our folks) in no way come out looking like they condone what we are. God, I'm so far beyond this crap.

But, this is progress. This time, at least I'm being invited to go. Last time, Kent ended up going to his Dad's award... I wasn't invited because I would be an embarrassment... and, I took the opportunity to go to the Virgin Islands alone. Yes, beautiful there, and it sucked, all at the same time.

So, we are flying back for a few days. And we've decided that we need a new set of luggage. We are doing our part to stimulate the economy... new clothes, new cologne (Armani stopped making Emporium (bastards), so now I have to go with Diamonds by Armani, an actually fresher and more sophisticated fragrance. Now, it's back to the mall for a nice dinner at Bellini's, and then off to buy luggage. This time, we are going to buy luggage with some color to it, most likely red. With most people getting black luggage, it's hard to tell them all apart. With Kent traveling so much, I'm afraid our luggage has seen better days.

We are also going to New Zealand in December, which is especially nice because while we are having winter in Connecticut, it is summer in New Zealand. So, we will be scoping out what we have time to see and what we don't. We will probably be there two weeks.

Life is a journey.

Tomorrow, I will attend the funeral of a good friend of mine from work. It's honestly going to suck and be very depressing.

I was actually working on an entry about how two-faced and what a flip-flop John McCain is, but I've honestly lost interest. I know... a terrible thing. I've lost interest in where this country is going. There, I said it! The truth is, this country is going to go where it's going to go because the American population is like sheep. They will follow anyone who offers them the carrot, no matter what the consequences (G.W. Bush). So, I've stopped caring about it because I know that it's quite beyond my control to do anything about, and it will just end up driving my crazy. Don't get me wrong. I will vote, but beyond that, along with some monetary donations to my candidate of choice, what will happen will happen. And in a hundred years from now, who will care? It will all be an entry in a history book, assuming people are still reading.

Just like it was beyond the control of my friend to stay in this world. I do apologize that this entry is a "downer". It's honestly not my intention to do that. But I've just found that I don't feel like pretending that everything is ok and that the world is a good place right now.

MY WORLD is a good place because I control it (and my cats appreciate that). I come home from work, and I usually put on some nice music (try to differ each night), have a glass or two of wine, go sit out on the deck, and take it all in. It's honestly my favorite time of day. THAT is what I control. THAT is my world.

So tomorrow, I will go to my friend's funeral and afterwards, go to work to keep my mind occupied. Tomorrow night, I'm a busy body trying to get everything ready for Mom's visit from Idaho. Kent will be busy having dinner with a visiting graduate student, so it's a good time to finish up everything.

I'm thinking that we'll make Saturday night a fun night of cooking. I'll make a nice filling for crepes ahead of time, and Saturday night we will all make our own crepes. I'll show Mom how to wrap them, and we'll have a feast. It should be fun. And Sunday may bring a brunch cruise down the Connecticut River, weather permitting. That's what life should be. You make your own times filled with memories.

So yeah, it's kind of a down time, but I haven't lost focus on what's important. Friends are important, life is important, and the memories that we make in life are important. It's a bit of a cliche', but we should all strive to be "present in the moment." A lot of people don't honestly understand the profound nature of that statement, so they really don't "get it".

But simply put, if you don't think much about life and take time to take it in, it will pass you by. Don't let that happen. That's why I spend that hour taking in everything with that glass of wine and fine cheese after work. I just wish that I had more friends to take it in with, but I've reconciled with the fact that I'm a rather complex character to get to know. I mean, how many people do you know will go through selections from Mozart, Richard Strauss, Bette Midler, Gustav Mahler, and Roberta Flack, in one evening?

Is that my loss or their loss? I don't honestly know. It just.... is.

Kent sent me this link this afternoon concerning Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. You have to see it!

A couple of years ago, we went to Copenhagen, Denmark. We had a great time there. And of course, I took literally hundreds of photographs. It didn't go unnoticed. A company in Denmark who does the tourist pamphlets spotted some of my photos of Denmark on Flickr, and wanted to use some of them for their brochures. I told them that was fine as long as I was given credit for the photo. They did, and my photos of Copenhagen are now part of their city brochures.

Then I got this email...

Hi Bill,

Back in 2007, you kindly gave us permission to include your credited photo in our Schmap Copenhagen Guide.

This is just a quick note to let you know that Schmap Guides have now been released for the iPhone and iPod touch.

Best regards...

Here is the result. My photo on the iPhone is the upper left photo. Pretty cool. Boy, you never know where your photos will end up.

For those of you who have scratched me off their list as another Internet casualty (read, lost interest in sharing my little life with the rest of the world), it's not true! And it's not that I've decided to voluntarily take time off and not blog. It's simply that my life has become somewhat complicated lately (read, busy as hell so when I come home, those few hours between catching up on the day with my family, and going to bed, are so precious to me that I don't want to share my time).

Work has become very challenging for me lately. It's not because things are more technically challenging for me. It's just that there are some major upgrade initiatives at work that I'm heading up that are so mentally and time consuming, that I've had little time for anything else. But, in time, a month or so, this too will pass. So, until that time, my posting may be a bit sporadic. For those of you who continue to visit, thank you for thinking of me and for visiting. I'm not going anywhere!

Just some updates of our lives.....
- We are both healthy and doing well

- In a month, we are both going back to Idaho (very quick trip - 2 days there in all), where Kent is being honored with an award from the college that we both went to, and, where we met.

- I'm doing great, but stress is taking it's toll. I do find some comfort in my 18 year old single malt Scotch though, just before going off to bed. :-)

- We are going to New Zealand in December. Kent is going there for a couple of days of meetings. We will spend two or two and a half weeks there touring the two islands. FUN! Can't wait.

- Getting excited to see Mom again. She is coming for a visit in a couple of weeks.

- Getting excited to see friends again in Idaho in early October!

So there you have it. Nothing bad happened to us. Just crazy as hell. And I'm more addicted to iTunes than ever before. It's like heroin, only nicer. Oh, and the person who cuts my hair moved to a new place in West Hartford (pricey), and right next to the hair salon is a Bose store. Not good!!! So, after I got my hair cut, it seemed only natural to buy some new Bose noise reduction headphones for my trip to Idaho. I'm so impulsive about such things.

I'm trying to catch up on some photos I took. Here are a few of them. I just got around to posting them now. It was from a small walk we took yesterday along one of Coventry's many rivers.

Oh!! And by the way, for those of you who post comments to my blog, I now have THREADED COMMENTS!! You can now reply to a specific comment that someone made, and it shows it as a reply -- something that I've wanted for quite some time.